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During the past ten years, more than 11,000 people have filled out the sex survey on the website for my book, the Guide To Getting It On.
This survey is made up of approximately 30 open-ended questions. People can answer the questions with one word or ten paragraphs, it's totally up to them. This is very different from the usual sex survey which is constructed to be computer tabulated--with questions such as "On a scale of 1 to 10..." or "Please pick the best answer from the options below..."
Structuring the surveys with open-ended questions allows a far more complete view of people's sexuality than the sex survey answers that end up as graphs in magazines and journals.
While I have seldom found there to be a "typical" women's survey response, the men's survey answers tend to be more predictable. That's why the survey I'm posting today stood out as being unusual.
This man likes having sex with women, but he is aroused by looking at penises. He posts photos of his own penis online every day. He also enjoys transgender porn and cock’n’ball torture. So if you’re a guy who is into the things this man is, you can take solace in knowing that you’re not alone.
You might wonder why I don't include the actual survey questions. We've found that the surveys read better if we put them into a narrative form, where we weave the questions into the responses.
If you'd like to see the actual questions or take the survey, click here. I change it every couple of months, so some of the questions are no longer the same as the ones this man answered.
The Survey Responses of a 32-year Old Man
I am a 32 year old man. I am a sperm-donor baby and never knew my father.
I grew up identifying as straight and have only had physical/romantic relationships with women. But now I consider myself "open to all options” and have been interacting more erotically with men in online forums. I am still strongly attracted to women, but I also find men's genitals incredibly arousing.
I have always had issues with showering and being naked with other guys. I definitely had self-confidence issues when I was growing up (I believed I was dramatically under-endowed). Now I feel nervous about the idea of being naked around other men for the opposite reason. I fear that showering or being naked with other men (in a non-erotic context) would cause me to become aroused and I would embarrass myself in a whole new way.
I’ve had four relationships, all with women: two long-term, a one-night-stand with a friend, and a friends-with-benefits situation. Some of my best sexual experiences have been simultaneous orgasms during intercourse, 69 and mutual masturbation. There's nothing better than sharing that moment.
I masturbate 2-4 times per week, but I post erotic photos of myself online on an almost daily basis, and so I often feel like I'm in a constant state of mild arousal, regardless of actual orgasms.
I've learned that women's bodies are often radically more "connected" than men's bodies in terms of sensory arousal. Ears, necks, nipples, fingers, feet: it seems like almost any part of a woman's body can be fair game for erotic touch, whereas I feel like my own erogenous zones are much more exclusively limited to my genitals and mouth.
I have not had any physical sexual encounters with men, but I have engaged in a number of erotic online conversations, and I've learned that many men really don't know much about their own bodies.
I have learned the most about my own body since I've been single for six years and have focused on discovering and testing my desires and limits through solo masturbation. I have learned that I enjoy edging, light testicle bondage, ruined orgasms, exhibitionism [via anonymous online photography and videos], and that my sexuality itself is radically more expansive and fluid than I had thought. None of this was something I knew or thought about while I was in relationships. Since living alone, I've also learned that I don't have to (or want to) be silent during orgasms.
Some of my worst sexual experiences have been coming too soon, not being able to come, losing a condom inside my partner and having sex when I didn't feel like it.
If I have not already had an orgasm in the last half hour, I will almost always cum within a minute of beginning intercourse. Fortunately, my current partner is VERY easily stimulated, and has assured me that she is entirely happy to not let intercourse last longer than I do, as it tends to over-stimulate her to the point of being uncomfortable.
I wish I could last longer and radically increase my ejaculation volume. I know that hardly anybody actually lasts for 20 minutes. And I know that I cum in perfectly healthy volumes (even more than average, according to some partners). Still, I can't help wishing I could last for hours and cum by the gallon.
In my last long-term relationship, we masturbated together maybe 50% of the time that we happened to catch the other person masturbating - if one of us started and the other was around, she/he was likely to join in.
I wish I was better at communicating my own desires to my partners. I feel I am decent at asking them questions and adjusting to their responses, and they are good at asking me questions, but I'm not good at giving them worthwhile feedback. For example, receiving oral sex is not my favorite thing, but I'll almost never tell a partner. I'm much more likely to simply accept and endure a sex act than to interrupt it with a comment or question.
I don't watch a lot of actual "porn," but I create, post, and partake of erotic photography on a daily basis. So almost every time I masturbate, it is inspired either immediately/directly or briefly after creating and/or viewing porn.
How is porn different than real life sex? Less light, more hair, less choreography, more alcohol, less order to the actions (fucking first, then oral), more lost clothing the morning after.
Having been my own amateur erotic photography model, I have discovered many of the tricks to making my penis look larger on film than it actually is in reality, so I know not to trust many of the other penises I see in porn. I also know that porn stars are either artificially enhanced or are simply chosen because of their unnatural endowments. Unfortunately, I still wish my penis was longer, but only when flaccid, and only by an inch or two. It is perfect when it's erect (5.5" long) and I wouldn't change a thing at that point. I have a higher and firmer erection angle than many porn performers, and my balls are also larger than those of many performers, which makes me very happy.
I masturbate dry. I like the feeling of lube, but it almost always makes me reach orgasm too quickly, and I don't like the feeling of being wet and sticky. I don't like ejaculating on myself for the same reason, and almost always do so into a tissue for quick and complete cleanup.
I don't fantasize in my head very often. I prefer to either watch porn (photos/videos) or fully engage physically with my own body. I love watching videos of M2F transgender individuals (what the porn-tubes call "shemales"), preferably engaged in solo masturbation, ideally after they have removed their testicles but still have a penis.
I am aroused by Cock-and-Ball Torture in general, although I do not prefer to actually receive pain. I like to imagine it, both receiving and inflicting. It's less about the pain, though, and more about a fascination with testing the limits of genitals (my own or others): how far can something bend, or stretch; how tightly can it be squeezed; what can it endure? The farthest I have taken these fantasies in my own experience is experimenting with ruining my own orgasms by edging into the orgasms (so that I ejaculate without actually "pumping"). It is not more physically pleasurable, just more mentally interesting.
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