Is Voluntary Celibacy on the Rise?

Source: Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

Celibacy is having a cultural moment. In the last decade, a growing number of celebrities have opened up about their decision to take a temporary break from sexual activity, from Lenny Kravitz to Lady Gaga. At the same time, there has been a surge in popular media articles and social media posts about voluntary celibacy, suggesting that it is becoming a new trend among young adults, especially women.

But just how common is it for people to take a break from sex and dating? Why do so many people seem to be doing it? And are they happy with their decision to abstain?

The Prevalence of Voluntary Celibacy

Earlier this year, we conducted a nationally representative U.S. sex survey at the Kinsey Institute. Of the 1,500 adults who participated, we found that 16.5 percent of women described themselves as "single by choice" and reported that they are not sexually active right now. The corresponding number for men was 9 percent. These figures suggest that voluntary celibacy is indeed fairly common.

Of course, not everyone who is celibate is doing so of their own volition. Some people are involuntarily celibate (some may identify as “incels”), meaning they would like to be in a sexual and/or romantic relationship, but cannot find a partner. We also asked about this in our survey and found that 3.3 percent of men and 2.3 percent of women described themselves as involuntarily celibate.

These findings suggest that women are more likely to choose celibacy than men—and that men are more likely to be involuntarily celibate than women.

Given that popular media reports on voluntary celibacy focus primarily on young adults, I also looked to see how the prevalence varies across ages. Among men, the rate of voluntary celibacy was highest (17 percent) among those who were ages 18-24. For women, however, the highest rates of voluntary celibacy were among those ages 55-64 (21 percent) and age 65+ (32 percent).

While voluntary celibacy is something people at any age may pursue, it appears that younger adults and older adults are the groups most likely to practice it.

Why Choose Celibacy?

People may choose to be celibate for a wide range of reasons. While celibacy has historically had roots in religious beliefs, religion does not appear to be the overriding reason behind why people today are choosing celibacy. Some of the most common reasons people cite for taking a break from sex and dating include:

• Wanting to spend time on personal growth and development.
• Avoiding toxic behavior on dating apps (e.g., ghosting, catfishing).
• Dating fatigue.
• Self-protection and risk avoidance.
• Self-empowerment or reasserting one’s independence and autonomy.

Risk avoidance appears to be a particularly common motivation for women to pursue voluntary celibacy today. In a recent interview-based study of sexually abstinent heterosexual adults, the single most common reason women cited for not having sex was that they saw it as being too risky.

This is perhaps not surprising against the backdrop of the #MeToo movement and the rollback of reproductive rights across the United States. Many women today see sex as being riskier than it used to be. And when coupled with a persistent orgasm gap, many women may simply perceive sex to be an activity where the potential risks just outweigh the rewards.

For men, risk avoidance does not appear to be a common motivator. However, one unique reason some men are choosing to be celibate is in pursuit of what some call exalted masculinity. This has its roots in the belief that sexual (and masturbatory) abstinence can lead to a “higher” state of masculinity by promoting self-control and discipline and, as some argue, by boosting testosterone through semen retention (although it should be noted that popular claims about the purported health and hormone benefits of semen retention are not empirically supported).

Are Celibate People Satisfied?

Returning to our Kinsey Institute survey, we also asked participants whether they were satisfied with their current sex life. In other words, were they happy with their decision to forego sex?

For men and women alike, their responses ranged from highly dissatisfied to highly satisfied, indicating that people’s experiences were very mixed. However, there was a gender difference, such that women were more satisfied than men on average.

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Diving further into the data, celibate men’s average satisfaction score was below the scale midpoint, indicating that most were dissatisfied. By contrast, celibate women’s average satisfaction score was above the scale midpoint, indicating that most were satisfied. This suggests that women may be more likely than men to find celibacy rewarding.

However, men’s and women’s satisfaction with celibacy seemed to change with age—but they changed in different ways. Specifically, younger men were more satisfied with it than older men, whereas older women were more satisfied with it than younger women.

Takeaways

Voluntary celibacy appears to be a common practice among adults today, with about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men saying that have chosen to take a break from sex and dating. However, people’s reasons for choosing celibacy are many and varied. Also, people’s experiences with celibacy appear to be highly diverse, with some finding it to be personally rewarding and others finding it to be highly challenging.