The Power of Truth and Reconciliation

Source: E. A. Segal

In my previous blog, I introduced the concept of truth and reconciliation as a way to engage in social empathy. I shared information on the process of truth and reconciliation that my colleague David Androff has written a great deal about.¹

Truth and reconciliation are powerful tools for social empathy, and for that reason, I am writing this to explain further and examine the process. I also hope that we as a nation, as well as in our smaller communities, will consider bringing truth and reconciliation commissions to life because this is a way that we can examine the truth about events, share what really happened, and delve into histories that we are uncomfortable and reluctant to talk about.

Past Events Matter

Sometimes we think that if we don’t talk about things that happened in the past, those events will have no impact on us today. That is far from reality. Rather, past events and experiences have a way of impacting us, even when we don’t want to think about them. I share these wise words a therapist once said to me when trying to avoid discussing an uncomfortable issue. “Sweep it under the rug, and you are bound to trip over it.”

From that day on, I had this image in my mind: A room with a beautiful rug, and there in the middle was a lump that I was always trying to avoid by going around it or stepping over it. However, every once in a while, I would not be looking down, and boom, I tripped, and there I was, sprawled out on the floor, wondering what happened.

The obvious solution was to remove what was stuck under the rug. So too in our lives. We need to uncover what we are reluctant to talk about. That can be very challenging. It might be something we don’t want to talk about, something we have convinced ourselves is no big deal, so why bring it up, or something that we think will stir up feelings that we thought were gone. However, usually, it is a big deal, and that’s why we hid it under the rug!

History Includes Past Events That Impact Us Today

So too in our discussions of the history of our nation. We have things we would like to hide under the rug, such as acknowledging forced slavery and its brutality towards Blacks; the way we have treated indigenous people from the first years of this nation; how women have struggled to be treated fairly; and the struggles of the LGBTQ+ community. These histories are painful to recount for those who have lived them and those who live under the influence and consequences of those histories.

If we use empathy to experience and understand the lived experiences of these groups, we will share painful and disturbing realizations. We will be uncomfortable and experience difficult emotions. But if we don’t acknowledge painful history, the impact and legacies of these events will still be there, just hiding under the rug, waiting to trip us up. And they will.

Truth and Reconciliation Can Help Us Find Our Social Empathy

Truth and reconciliation is a process where both victims and perpetrators, those who caused pain and those who were harmed, can tell their stories in their own words. It provides a way to hear and deeply listen to the experiences of others, even when it is uncomfortable.

Possibly the most well-known public truth and reconciliation occurred in the nation of South Africa. In 1995, with a newly elected democratic government following the end of apartheid, the country engaged in the process of truth and reconciliation for victims and perpetrators. It was a public, systematic investigation of human rights violations ensuring documentation of the crimes of apartheid.² It was a national recognition of painful and horrific history with recommendations made for change. Metaphorically, it was a collective effort to confront what was hidden under the rug of history.

Communities in the United States have engaged in powerful truth-telling. Several years ago, I visited The Legacy Museum in Montgomery, Alabama, with it, The National Memorial for Peace and Justice that tells the stories of racial terrorism with “the nation’s first memorial dedicated to the legacy of enslaved black people.” The memorial includes documentation and visual art pieces to commemorate all the known victims of lynching in this country between 1877 and 1950.

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Their names and stories, long hidden, are brought to light through truth-telling. It is a painful and horrific part of our nation’s history. However, sharing the truth of history can lead to a deeper understanding of others and move us towards efforts to achieve reconciliation, which is part of the work of the Equal Justice Initiative organization (responsible for leading the effort to create the museum and memorial). This work is ongoing, as truth and reconciliation is a process.³

Why It Works

Truth and reconciliation work because they create a process that respects what others say and validates those testifying. Even when we disagree, deeply listening is affirming; it tells the other person what they have to say is important and worthwhile. It is a way of acknowledging their experiences as they remember them are valid. It is not a debate. Hearing testimony requires patience and the humility to listen even if you have benefited over history from the mistreatment of others.

For some, that might be the most difficult part of truth and reconciliation. While it can be difficult to hear the stories, it can be even harder to realize that those experiences of mistreatment and discrimination made easier paths for others, especially if those others are us.

We can’t change the past, but we can pay attention and learn from it. With social empathy, we can hear the perspectives of those who have paid a high price throughout history, walk in their shoes, learn from them, learn all history, not just selections, and commit to making change.