The Mystery of Human Kindness

Source: Photo courtesy of Caroline Gilman

This week, Cameron Whiting, 31, was finishing his morning 1.5-mile ocean swim in Del Mar, California, when he heard a woman scream, “Shark!” A 46-year-old man swimming near her had been attacked by a shark. At 9 am, the lifeguards were not yet on duty. Whiting and another man, Kevin Barrett, started swimming furiously toward the injured man. From 100 yards away Whiting realized, with dread, he was swimming toward a shark and feared what he might find when he got to the injured man.

Barrett and Whiting made it to the victim. They found him with limbs intact but bleeding profusely from the torso. A surfer offered his board. They put the injured man on the surfboard and furiously swam 150 yards to shore. Whiting felt acutely aware that he was swimming in shark-infested waters, surrounded by blood. Barrett helped hold the victim steady on the surfboard. The woman who witnessed the attack followed. Off-duty lifeguards helped stabilize the victim. An emergency room physician walking his dog told them to apply pressure to the man’s wounds. Paramedics took the victim to the hospital, where he is expected to survive (Garrison, J. 2024).

Why did a group of strangers risk their lives for a stranger?

Humans Are Wired for Kindness

Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal reports that the human brain is equipped with a social caregiving system. This system is regulated by the hormone oxytocin, which is produced mainly in the hypothalamus and distributed into the bloodstream through the pituitary gland. When activated, this system creates a feeling of connection, trust, and bonding with others. Breastfeeding mothers produce oxytocin, contributing to the feeling of love and connection between mother and child.

Humans are social animals. When we feel close to others, we experience less activation of the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. Bonded with others, we feel the courage to act. If we experience stressful events, oxytocin provides the chemical motivation to seek out support from others. It provides a cushion, protecting us from the paralyzing effects of overwhelming stress so that we cope better (McGonigal, Kelly, 2015).

If you feel stressed, as when a loved one is facing surgery, the neurotransmitter dopamine strengthens motivation and the courage to do something helpful. When you offer that help, dopamine provides a boost even when it feels like the surgeon gave you an "energy ectomy." Sometimes, anxiety can cause you to freeze under pressure. If you ask yourself, “How can I be helpful, useful, or beneficial to others?” you activate the reward system of your brain. Doing something helpful, kind, or useful tells your brain, “You can make things better.” And that feels empowering (Schneider, G. S., 2022).

Helping Others Decreases Fear

A study by the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) neuroscientists demonstrated that helping others decreases fear and increases courage and hope. In this study, scientists wanted to measure two different ways of coping with the distress of watching a loved one experience pain. Participants were given a sample electric shock so that they would know what their loved ones were going to feel. The shock produced pain but no negative health effects, like that of a dog training shock collar. Participants were told that they would not be able to do anything to prevent their loved ones from experiencing pain. Those who decided to continue the study were given two ways to cope with the stress of watching their loved one get shocked. For the first coping strategy, subjects could provide comfort by holding their loved one’s hands. In the second coping strategy, they could distract themselves from the distress by squeezing a ball. Researchers then watched and recorded activity in the participant’s brains.

The reward and caregiving systems of the brain showed more activation when participants held the hand of their loved one. Providing comfort to another also lowered activity in the threat-sensing amygdala, decreasing the fear response. In stark contrast, those told to squeeze a ball (a distress avoidance activity) experienced a decrease in the reward and caregiving system of the brain. The stress avoidance activity provided no calming effect on the amygdala. When we merely avoid distress by doing some unrelated activity, it does not seem to help us feel better. It makes us feel more powerless. When we take action to help others, we lower our nervous system's distress response and feel more empowered, with less fear and worry (Inagaki, T.K. et al. 2012).

Human Kindness Is a Frequent and Universal Behavior

In a cross-cultural study of eight cultures across five continents, researchers found that people are far more likely to help others (79% of the time) than not. These researchers noted that requests for small acts of assistance occur about once every two minutes. “Please pass the salt,” “Where can I find the ketchup?” “Can you get the door for me?” These sociologists found that kind, helpful, and cooperative behavior is seven times more common than uncooperative behavior (Rossi G. et al., 2023).

Years ago, on a blustery day in New York City, Brooklyn resident Delroy Simmonds waited at a subway platform on his way to a job interview. He noticed a woman with three small children and a baby in a stroller waiting near him. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew the stroller with the baby onto the tracks of the oncoming train. In a burst of courage, Simmonds jumped onto the tracks, rescued the baby, and barely escaped death as the train approached with horn blaring. When asked what would make him risk his own life, he said, “It was the fatherly instinct. I have two daughters of my own—8 and 5. I was being a father. I would have done it for any baby."

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His act of compassion inspired another act of kindness. You see, Simmonds missed his job interview that day. When Guy Rodriquez, with ABM Janitorial Services, saw Simmonds's story in the paper, he offered him a maintenance position, like the one Simmonds missed on the day he rescued the baby (Lysiak and Hutchinson, 2012).

Acts of compassion often inspire generosity of spirit in others. Kindness provides the warm social nourishment of a functional society, but it can also promote healing, reduce inflammation, and increase courage and hope.

We live in a time of cynicism, war, and media displays of human cruelty. It helps to know that most people will say yes most of the time to an opportunity to help another. That’s comforting.