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We all have vulnerabilities that cause us to feel overwhelmed by certain tasks or goals. The five questions that follow are aimed at helping you get unstuck and feel a sense of relief and accomplishment.
1. What are you waiting for permission to do?
At times, we have ideas that could benefit us but we hesitate because we feel we need explicit permission or an invitation. We may desire to ask for what we want, seek advice, or clarify matters, but we hold back.
Instead, you might want to:
- Reach out to someone
- Buy something
- Ask a question (like asking for an exception)
- Engage a service (like a house cleaner)
- Break an unimportant rule
Try imagining the permission or invitation that would help you feel unstuck. For example, you might imagine:
- Your spouse saying, "We should get a monthly housekeeping service."
- Your doctor saying, "Feel free to text me with questions."
- A company's website saying, "If what you're looking for isn't here, contact us to see what we can do."
Vividly imagine the specific permission or invitation that would free you from your inaction. Once you've imagined that, if it seems reasonable, gently give yourself that permission or invitation. Alternatively, imagine what a person who felt confident and self-assured would do.
2. What are you waiting to do until you feel certainty?
There are instances where we hesitate to act on our good ideas because we seek absolute certainty. For example, you might think:
- "I won't try a new dish at this restaurant because I'm not sure I'll like it."
- "I'm reluctant to switch doctors because I don't know if a new one will be any better."
- "I'm hesitant to hire a house cleaner as I'm unsure about their ability to do a good job or if I'll feel uncomfortable with someone in my private space."
With these types of questions, certainty will never come unless you're prepared to experiment. If it seems appropriate and beneficial, try experimenting with your best current plan, and see what happens.
If you're not quite ready to act, tell yourself that you'll continue to mull it over for 24 hours, then act on the best idea you've come up with. During that time, let your brain contemplate the decision in the background.
3. What do you need support to do?
Complete this sentence: My ideal self can do ____ without support, but my real self requires assistance.
Maybe your ideal self doesn't need a trainer to work out at the gym, but your real self does. Maybe your ideal self doesn't need a hands-on tutor to learn to use a piece of equipment, but your real self needs a two-hour, one-on-one personal tutorial.
How could you give your real self the support you need?
4. What do you need a story or a role model to do?
Sometimes we feel uncertain about how to approach something, and what we require is a relatable story or a role model. For instance, imagine you're 20 and aspiring to buy a home, but you lack knowledge about the process and don't know any 20-year-olds who have accomplished that. If you had a same-age friend going through the same experience, it would empower you and you'd want to learn how they approached banks for loans.
When you identify how a role model or story would help you overcome your obstacles, you can actively search for that person or story, or explore alternative approaches.
5. Challenge this assumption...
Complete this sentence with whatever first comes to mind:
"I'm messing up my life by..."
I'm going to write a full article on how to challenge these thoughts. For now, try assuming whatever you're hung up on isn't true. If that thought were merely a mistaken rumination, what would you feel empowered and supported to do? Completely dismiss any ruminative thought that burdens you as false. Observe how your thoughts, feelings, and actions change when you adopt this approach.
The goal is not to evaluate the truthfulness of the thought but to experiment with how dismissing it as untrue affects your emotions and, specifically, your behavior.
Getting unstuck with a task or goal is one of the best and fastest ways to improve how you feel. Try one of the ideas outlined here, and enjoy the well-deserved feelings of progress and growth.
Facebook/LinkedIn image: fizkes/Shutterstock
