Are You an Imposter?

“To the doorkeeper there comes a countryman who prays for admittance. But he is told he cannot be allowed in at the moment. Maybe later. On this the man stays until the end of his life. At that time the doorkeeper says no one else was allowed in except the man and now it will be shut.” -Franz Kafka, Before the Law

The story by Franz Kafka relates the very problem of the "as-if" person who does not realize how to manifest what is theirs and how to inhabit their existence. They do not tend to go through the door, as in the story, because they do not know it is theirs. The imposter, and what is here called the "as-if" personality, is defined by the central question: "Who am I, really?"

The answer will reflect identity with goals, purposes, and meaning in life rather than the superficial answer to the superficial question, "What is your name and where are you from?" Identity in this more encompassing sense isn’t fixed, handed down, or unconscious. Rather, it is something shaped and determined over time. A person’s identity is a matter of what they are about and is reflected in accessing the passions of life.

A male client commented, “The mirror was in a space I had to walk past every day. Though I did not have to look in it, I did anyway and didn’t feel good in the mirror regardless of how I looked. Every day I walked past that mirror, I looked at a man who was hurt and confused.”

This short statement is typical of the "as-if" personality. It reveals part of the complexity behind the adopted masks and illusions put forward by this personality type. The mask means hiding whoever wears it and disguising their identity as appearance and pretence establish a clear distinction between being and appearing. What is hidden and what is known? Unmasking is a metaphor for revealing an individual’s identity while the attempted masking actively works to mystify and deceive oneself and others.

This person has an impoverished and uncomfortable, emotionally and physically, relationship to the world although their presentation is of shining appeal and no disorder. One is unable to bear, even momentarily, to be seen up close, beneath the skin. They might be perceived to be winners and having made it by others but often are internally empty, disillusioned, anxious, confused, alienated, and most of all, estranged from themselves.

A female client described, “Today I had a moment of feeling real. Usually, I am somewhere else. But now I caught it and could tell the difference for the first time.” The "as-if" person narrates a story of personal and collective history composed of the secret vicissitudes with which they engage. This person exhibits an elusive, flighty, and often dramatic approach to life, but is driven by an internal abyss. The phenomenon is not uncommon as many people feel similarly, skimming on the surface and not really living. These people are internally isolated, appearing competent, creative, with quirky perspectives, but drastically insecure. The personality has a penchant for illusions and poses, an imposter based on inner distress and psychological confusion. One’s soul feels wrecked from within, forming a swarm of instability and pain of existence.

Underlying is a sense of distrust and lack of confidence in one’s place in the world. Filling the emptiness with people, places, and things attempts to compensate for the feeling of being unreal. The emptiness arose from early emotional wounding and lack of correct or close enough attachment with consistent caregivers. As adults, these people become performers, needing attention, and seeming superficial. The question is posed about how to bridge the gap to access who one really is.

The way of relating to the world is through mimicry and imposter facades, while the adaptation ‘as-if’ comes at the expense of authenticity of oneself. One feels as flat as the social media screen, yet they often hide this from themselves and others. The internal division signals being trapped in unconscious personal, cultural, and historical wounds. These include unfinished mourning processes, intergenerational issues, and archetypal anxieties. The unconscious calls to be more deeply known, relationships with self and others open rather than closed, life no longer avoided with emotional distancing, compulsions, or perfectionism.

This personality type, although clever at disguise, is swamped by emotional and psychological distress, haunted by aims and aspirations not yet achieved, along with the pressure of nothing ever being enough. These people defend against aspects of reality, absence, and loss because they are assumed to be intolerable. They need the illusions and idealizations of others focused on them so life can seem other and better than it is. They construct a solid and tight package as a defense.

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The masks and façades prevent being present in life and experiencing the inner world with its creativity and life forces. Chasing after the perfect body, highest intellect, or most accomplishments does not lead to fulfillment for the imposter type. These only lead to more anxiety and a frenzy to perform. These are the imposters, feeling fraudulent, wishing to be known but fearing this discovery as they will be less than excellent and somehow flawed. In therapy, they tend to hide. In relationships, they anticipate rejection. Underneath is a fragile and vulnerable self waiting to be known. An imposter does not feel a definitive identity and operates in the absence of a fully knowable self.

If this is you or you are working therapeutically or in a relationship with someone of this type, be patient, stay with the discomfort, and explore the feelings. Delving into the unconscious and facing the shadows is the task of uniting the personality and leads to feeling more complete as a person. Dreams, emanations from the unconscious, bring us to life and take off the masks formerly adopted as defenses against being known by ourselves and others. We can venture beyond the barricades keeping us from being real. This is part of the process along the journey of being and expressing one’s individual and precious self.

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