How Relationships Develop Body-Image Issues

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It’s no secret that poor body image severely limits our ability to enjoy sex.

Research shows that poor body image leads to less sexual desire, diminished sexual frequency, fewer orgasms, and a reluctance to communicate your desires or experiment in bed. There is virtually no aspect of a person’s sex life that isn’t impacted by it.

Though the monumental role that body image plays in our well-being has been well established, scant evidence exists for how it impacts our relationships. We know poor body image can make a person miserable. But can one’s own feelings of doubt, insecurity, and judgment make our partner miserable, too?

A study recently published in the Journal of Sex Research explores this question by examining how a person’s body image impacts their sexual style and how that style consequently impacts their partner and relationship.

A person’s sexual style refers to their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors during sex. There are three main types of sexual styles:

1. People with sexual harmony can integrate their desires, wants, and needs into their sexual experiences. They tend to agree with statements such as “The way I live my life allows me to have the variety of sexual experiences which I desire with my partner” and “My strong sexual interests are well-integrated into my relationship with my partner.” Sexually harmonious individuals engage in regular sex that feels exciting and fulfilling without overshadowing other aspects of their lives. Sexual harmony provides connection and pleasure. It facilitates being present during sex and encourages focusing on the sensations in one’s body and a partner’s sexual cues.
2. In contrast, those with sexual inhibition struggle with getting sexually excited. They witness a consistent constraint on their sexual desires, arousal, and activity. Though they are interested in sex, other concerns (i.e., worries, wanting things to be just right) get in their way and limit their sexual fulfillment. They tend to agree with statements such as “I am hesitant to participate in various sexual opportunities presented to me in my relationship with my partner” or “Sometimes I have so many worries that I feel constrained from doing sexual activities I enjoy with my partner.”
3. The third sexual style, sexual obsession, is characterized by feeling as if sex controls your life and puts other aspects out of balance. For someone with a sexually obsessive style, sex monopolizes their energy, time, and a large percentage of their thoughts. People with sexual obsession tend to agree with statements such as “I get completely involved in my sexual interests with my partner, and they consume all my time and energy.” Research suggests that beneath their obsession is often a desire for acceptance.

In this new study, the authors examined whether body image was associated with sexual style—sexual inhibition, sexual obsession, or feelings of sexual harmony—both for oneself as well as one’s partner. They also asked whether these three sexual styles could explain the link between body image and relationship satisfaction.

Here is what they found:

When a person, regardless of gender, has a healthy body image, they’re more likely to experience sexual harmony. This makes their sexual partner also more likely to experience sexual harmony.

Men report more relationship satisfaction when their partner experiences sexual harmony, which is more likely to occur if their partner also has a positive body image.

Poor body image is associated with sexual inhibition and predicts less relationship satisfaction.

When men have a healthy body image, their female partner is less likely to be sexually inhibited. This suggests that the partner of a man who feels insecure about his body will be more sexually inhibited and less likely to enjoy sex. In other words, it isn’t just the person with the poor body image who struggles; their partner does, too. And although we tend to think of poor body image as a woman’s issue, this study clearly shows that men are not immune.

The relationship between body image and sexual obsession is complex. For some, extreme feelings of pride and fondness for their body might make them sexually obsessed. But feelings of doubt and insecurity about one’s body might also fuel sexual obsession, particularly if sex comes to be viewed as a means for validation.

The findings from this study highlight how important body image is to the health of a person’s relationship. When a person has a healthy body image, they’re more fully aware of their own sexual wants, needs, and desires. They’re able to remain present during sex and can focus on the sexual sensations in their body rather than insecure thoughts flooding their minds. All of these things lead to more satisfying sex where partners are highly attuned to each other and emotionally connected.

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The bottom line: Couples that are comfortable with their bodies are more likely to feel sexually and relationally satisfied. They are more likely to enjoy a sense of nonjudgment during sex, which invites not only increased awareness of sexual sensations but also more mental space for attention to the experience, both from a physical and an emotional aspect.

Given this, establishing a healthy body image for both partners should be highly prioritized in any relationship.