With Disagreements, Try Respect, Walking Away, and Gratitude

Walking away.

Source: Courtesy of Rita Watson

The disrespect and anger experienced by United States high school students in the wake of the 2016 presidential election was disconcerting. During that time, bullying became more problematic. The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) Institute for Democracy, Education and Access (IDEA) reported:

“Although some school leaders avoided issues related to the political environment, others moved proactively to create a tolerant and respectful school culture. When leaders did not act, student behavior grew dramatically worse.”

The report further found:

• Polarization, incivility, and reliance on unsubstantiated sources had risen, particularly in predominantly White schools.
• A growing number of schools, particularly predominantly White schools, became hostile environments for racial and religious minorities and other vulnerable groups.

People Are Unhappy, and Civility Is Waning

As this agitation seeped into society, it came as no surprise that the Happiness Report downgraded its ranking of the United States.

When the Happiness Report was released in March 2024, the United States was no longer among the top 20 countries in terms of overall contentment. It found that among young people between the ages of 15 to 24, happiness had fallen "to a point where the young are less happy than the old."

Reasons for this dip in happiness include dissatisfaction "with their living conditions, social support, and having higher levels of stress and anxiety. They also have lower trust in the government and higher perceptions of corruption."

Today, incivility is becoming a hallmark of Congressional hearings in which physicians and professionals are treated with such disrespect that some words are being stricken from the Congressional record.

4 Tips for Disagreeing Respectfully

To disagree respectfully, young people must learn to listen; not interrupt; negotiate; and, if necessary, walk away.

1. Listen. When you are in a situation with someone with whom you disagree, listen to what they have to say. There might be some aspects which you will understand or perhaps even agree with. As you listen, try not to argue in your head with the other person. This detracts from your ability to hear what the other person has to say.
2. Refrain from interrupting. After the other person has had their say, you might wish to point out that you disagree. Do so factually without editorializing. Resist the urge to name-call. Simply point out several facts that you find disconcerting or for which you most definitely disagree.
3. Negotiate. See if you can find some common ground. Try to determine at least one aspect for which you might agree. Then, use this as a basis for negotiation. Discuss this briefly without arguing.
4. Walk away. When you are certain you have reached a stalemate, avoid the temptation to win the argument. Simply say respectfully, “We seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum. However, I will think about what you said. And perhaps you will give some thought to my position.”

Where Does Gratitude Fit in With Disagreements?

When you can walk away from a disagreement without feeling the need to say one more thing or get in a last dig, you should consider expressing gratitude. You do not want to become the person who will walk away thinking of all the things you should have said. When you ruminate after a disagreement, it agitates you and will affect your attitude and even your sleep.

Copyright Rita Watson MPH, 2024