5 Warning Signs Parents Are Raising Entitled Children

Source: Xia Yang / Unsplash

No one sets out to raise an entitled child. But drop by any playground, mall, or kid’s birthday party, and you’ll witness badly behaved, entitled children harassing their parents.

Not long ago, such behavior from children was unacceptable. Now, full-throated public meltdowns, whining, bickering, and bullying of parents seem to be the norm.

How did this happen? What caused this behavioral shift?

Technology-fueled entitlement

Before we point fingers at parents, let’s acknowledge the profound impact of technology on children’s lives. The Internet, social media, video games, and cell phones have inundated children with devices and fundamentally altered their daily routines.

Numerous studies have shown that children’s overreliance on technology spikes anxiety, depression, and social isolation, resulting in poor frustration tolerance, impaired social skills, and lags in emotional intelligence. Last month, the US Surgeon General pushed for warning labels on social media due to the damage it might cause to adolescents' mental health.

It’s been 30 years since the first smartphone was released. As a result, an entire generation of children may feel more comfortable relating to screens than humans. In most cases, these struggling children were raised by loving, well-intended parents who had no idea what they were getting into; the negative addictive qualities of technology were not yet understood.

Just last week, in my psychotherapy office, I witnessed two young men, both 16 years old, have full-throated temper tantrums. They screamed, cursed, and demeaned their parents. Both were tech "addicts" who spent more time with their screens than their peers, causing gaps in their emotional intelligence. In other words, they aged but didn’t mature, keeping them trapped in behaviors that are much more appropriate for small children.

Emotional delays fuel entitled behaviors. Rather than work for independence and autonomy, entitled children remain attached to their parents and demand they meet their every need.

Misguided parenting fuels entitlement

I spent many years writing about children who bully their parents. My book, When Kids Call the Shots, details precisely what causes good parents to make bad decisions and raise bullying, entitled children. Three particular archetypes of parenting styles promote entitled, bullying behaviors: the guilty parent, the anxious parent, and the fix-everything parent.

Here are some parenting choices that often fuel the entitlement:

• Parents who were abused or neglected by their parents set out to undo their childhood by giving their kids too much power.
• Parents who suffer from anxiety and can’t stand to see their children struggle overindulge them.
• Parents who have trouble making decisions shift the parenting role to their child, raising the child to take care of them instead of them taking care of the child.

Negative results of entitlement

What are the consequences of entitlement on children? Here are some of the most prevalent issues:

1. Low frustration tolerance: When an entitled kid is frustrated, they’re more likely to want to quit. They have difficulty tolerating and working through their frustration.
2. Weak problem-solving skills: Entitled children don’t enjoy problem-solving. They don’t struggle with a problem and come up with solutions on their own; they want someone else to fix it.
3. Poor work ethic: Technology promises relief at the click of a button. Entitled children expect that they can get what they want, whenever they want it, without working for it.
4. Social problems: Entitled children avoid social gatherings unless they are the center of attention, which makes them unpopular and poor team players.
5. Emotional delays: Entitled children remain stuck in the “terrible twos” and are prone to temper tantrums and meltdowns.