How to Identify and Manage 3 Toxic Work Personalities

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By Meredith J. Weinberg, MBA with George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D., M.A.

Navigating the workplace and its dynamics often includes managing assorted toxic work personalities. By identifying and understanding difficult personality types, implementing strategies to manage toxicity, and learning to handle the differing toxic work personality types, we will help you to get a handle on and improve your workplace experience. Listed below are three of the most challenging personality types you will encounter at the workplace. While there are other toxic personalities, we thought these three warranted special attention.

Nice, but Who Pays the Price?

These are colleagues who we like on a personal level but are difficult to work with for a variety of reasons (they don’t take responsibility for group work, they are not reliable, and/or they have a challenging work style).

To maintain a friendship while working with the “nice but who pays the price” type, accept that while you like this colleague as a person, they are creating challenges that adversely impact you and perhaps the mission of the organization. Understand that being nice to yourself is just as important as being nice to the colleague.

Develop a plan for managing the "nice but who pays the price" type:

1. Initiate communication: We often want to avoid these types of conversations because the person is “nice.” Focus on initiating a productive conversation that is collaborative and solution-oriented. Make sure to express how the person’s lack of contribution, work style, etc., has impacted the team.
2. Create a go-forward plan: Outline expectations regarding the division of responsibilities, timelines, and method and cadence of communication.
3. Address issues that arise: If the coworker goes back to the status quo, initiate timely communication and revisit the plan to see where things went astray and provide support if necessary. Ascertain if the issue is one of time or resources and see how you might help the coworker get the support they need to stay on track and contribute effectively.

The Co-conspirator in Complaining

Perhaps, like many of us, you spend too much of your time focusing on the negative and complaining about things at work. You may also have a work friend who is a co-conspirator in complaining and encourages such conversation.

There are likely two pieces at play here: (1) You need to work on your own negativity and complaining, and (2) you need to change your dynamic with the co-conspirator to break out of the negativity spiral. Regarding your own negativity, shift into gratitude. If you consciously make an effort to stop focusing on complaining, your mind will stop producing so many negative thoughts. Regarding the co-conspirator dynamic, work on breaking the habit of using the co-conspirator to feed into your work drama narrative.

Develop a plan for managing the co-conspirator type:

1. Explain your goal and reasoning: Let the person know that you are trying to focus on reducing your complaints and that you think doing so will help your mental health.
2. Suggest participation: Ask your work buddy if they would want to try to shift from focusing on the negative to focusing on the positive and see if they are open to you supporting each other in a different way from the status quo.
3. Create boundaries and connect in other ways: If your friend doesn’t want to explore a work life without complaining, let them know that you are going to work to avoid negative conversations and that you respect the way they cope. Offer other ways you might connect. You can let them know you are going to ask yourself every day, “What went right today?” See if they are interested in joining this practice with you.

The Company Bully

We’re sure you’ve met the company bully—some are covert in their actions while others are overt. Bullies may be the most toxic of all toxic personalities at the workplace.

Covert bullying might include more passive-aggressive behaviors like interrupting, undermining, and behaving in patronizing ways. Another covert bullying strategy is gaslighting—where the bully undermines the other’s perception of reality. For example, Ms. Reality Seeker is tired of Ms. Reality Twister’s behavior. Ms. Reality Seeker starts implementing boundaries and is less chummy with Ms. Twister. Ms. Twister then, with feigned concern, says in a patronizing voice, “Is everything okay, Ms. Reality Seeker? You don’t seem like yourself.” Our friend Ms. Reality Seeker is just fine; the only change is that she is utilizing strategies to protect her energy and create boundaries.

Overt bullying may present as raising one’s voice, talking too closely to someone else, creating unreasonable deadlines, criticizing or belittling a colleague publicly, or attempting to sabotage someone’s work by withholding information or providing incorrect data.

Once again, develop a plan for managing the problem, not the person. In other words, do not make this personal. Also, try to be objective. Bullying says more about the bully than about you as the “victim.” Bullies often have low self-esteem and need to exert power and control.

Develop a plan for managing the office bully:

1. Document: Keep records of incidents and the bully’s behavior. This also will be critical if escalation is needed.
2. Assert yourself: Often, bullies test those around them to see how far they can push. Assert your boundaries, and don’t be a doormat. The more you let the bully “bully” you, the more they will push the envelope.
3. Stay composed: Bullies often look to provoke a reaction. Their goal is to make you feel as badly as they do.