Toward an Authentic Existence

Source: DALL-E/OpenAI

Authenticity can be defined in many ways. In existential philosophy, for instance, it’s the degree to which actions and beliefs align with the person’s “true self.” But what is the “true self” and how do you align to it?

Authenticity highlights the tension between “being for oneself” and “being for others.” It's a struggle to maintain a sense of self against societal expectations. These expectations are wrapped up in the roles we play: mother, father, friend, colleague, dentist, presenter, audience member, etc. Each role has expectations for how you should behave. So, should you be yourself? Or should you pretend in hopes of meeting others' expectations?

The Problem With Being Yourself

You are never your unadulterated self. Sometimes you wear a suit when you don’t want to. Sometimes your server at the restaurant shows you their “frontstage self” and then goes back to the kitchen and becomes their “backstage self." Would you rather them not and instead be authentic? Should you wear sweatpants instead of a formal dress to the black-tie event?

I don’t think so, and here’s why. Acting in accordance with healthy social expectations is good for everyone. This is called impression management. It’s good for the group because it’s other-oriented, in a world where everyone is obsessed with themselves.

The other benefit of impression management is a consensus from other people might define you better than how you define yourself. Who is the ultimate arbiter of who you are? Which of these is more biased: your personal narrative or what everyone else says? This is no doubt debatable. It isn’t clear that your personal narrative is closer to your “true self” than what others have said about you your entire life.

Further, the accuracy of your own view versus others has implications for feedback and self-improvement. You need to know who you think you are, because your personal narrative is consequential, but managing your reputation facilitates positive outcomes. It’s other people who hire us, fire us, marry us, and so on. In fact, this is why people deeply, and unconsciously, care about their reputation.

The other problem with only looking inward is neurotics tend to go down a rabbit hole of self-reflection while demonizing society. Freud is a great example. Freud was self-admittedly a neurotic (see his letters to Wilhelm Fleiss), and his reflections turned into endless dysfunctional musings. This caused him to demonize society by suggesting people are born free but become neurotic to the degree they’re forced to conform to the community. In this way, authenticity comes with an antagonism toward society and an excuse to detach from others.

The Problem With Not Being Yourself

Why do your friends on Facebook post “just be yourself” memes? It might come from a neurotic antagonism toward society. But it might also stem from seeing Machiavellian manipulation, where people put on a façade to get their way. It’s arguably Machiavellian to act in a way to create a certain reputation through clever politicking. This is especially the case when the sole purpose is achieving selfish outcomes, often at the expense of others.

Another stream of research, influential in social and personality psychology, examined self-monitoring. Self-monitoring is adjusting one’s behavior to fit the situation, which emphasizes the distinction between how we present ourselves (public self) and how we really feel (private self).

The problem is this: It is well-documented that an excessive preoccupation with your public self contributes to social anxiety. For people who aren’t psychopathic, an overemphasis on the public self results in a heightened concern about what people are saying about you (i.e., social anxiety). The person over-rotates on others’ evaluations, leading to social anxiety, loss of personal identity, superficial connections based on false pretenses, and missing out on a life that truly reflects who they are.

Authenticity Does Exist

As the saying goes, “What you think about yourself doesn’t matter, because you made it all up.” Sure, personal narratives are extraordinarily biased. But identity is more than a biased personal narrative. Identity includes your values. At the core, values are beliefs about what is right, admirable, and worthwhile, and they serve as a foundation for personal conduct. That means values are less about the stories we tell ourselves and more about the underlying convictions that shape those stories.

Values matter in the authenticity discussion because they determine what an individual truly stands for. Authenticity, in this sense, is acting consistently with one’s values, which provides a measure of genuineness. It is by living out these values that a person can live an authentic and meaningful life.

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Critics of authenticity suggest it’s an imaginary concept. But I disagree on grounds of our ability to measure values and compare them against a person’s actions and life activities. To be sure, it is through values assessment that one confronts the fundamental questions of existence and finds meaning in life. This values alignment empowers people to live in authentic self-expression while not shirking community responsibilities and thereby experiencing a more profound engagement with life.

In all, I’ve said for a long time that people should pay attention to their reputation, and they should. People are biased and have bizarre personal narratives, so it’s good to understand what everyone else thinks. It’s also good to be responsible to others and commit to the greater good, which sometimes involves self-sacrifice. You might even be happier if you’re committed to others and follow social rules from time to time.

But you can take this to the point of social anxiety, Machiavellian manipulation, or losing your sense of self. Your identity is also more than biased personal musings. Identity includes measurable values. That means you can know your values and, with enhanced self-awareness, find what gets you jazzed up every day. Taking action to align your life with your values, and living every day authentically, can substantially enhance your well-being. As Kierkegaard said, "The most common form of despair is not being who you are."