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Key points
- People who don't have kids can find it challenging to connect with others who don't.
- Many people without kids choose to live in city centers.
- Childless and childfree adults tend to congregate in certain places.
Everyone likes hanging out with people who share their interests and experiences.
I’ve always marveled at how easily many of my parent friends create community through their children. There are school events, PTA, and sports. The kids find each other, then so do their parents. Many of these relationships last lifetimes.
When you don’t have kids, you lack such social capital. It isn’t easy making friends as an adult. Having pals who are childless or childfree helps.
Here are five savvy strategies to increase your chances of meeting people who don’t have kids.
1. Go urban.
People without kids often choose to live in city centers. Services and cultural activities are concentrated downtown, and living in close proximity can create more frequent encounters. Go to free author events at your local bookstore. Linger in front of a work of art that catches your eye, and share your thoughts when someone else does the same. Get coffee at the same place every day.
2. Take classes.
People without kids tend to pursue higher education at a rate higher than parents.
I got an MFA in Creative Writing a few years ago, and more than half of my fellow students didn’t have children.
Community classes are another option. While many parents are great at preparing quick, nutritious meals, most adults at a recent nutrition/cooking class sponsored by the local naturopathic college had no kids. Try yoga. Or community gardening.
3. Get intentional.
Every year, I post a flipchart showing what I want to achieve by the end of the year. Back when I lived in a rural area, one bullet point said, “Make three to four new friends who don’t have kids.”
Seeing this goal on my wall every day was just the kick in the pants I needed to get a little more curious about finding others like me. I thought of acquaintances who didn’t talk about kids and listed them as prospects. Eureka! I soon learned two people I’d met recently were childfree. They also had a dog that quickly became my own dog’s canine sister.
Speaking of dogs…
4. Hang around dog parks.
I now live (without a dog) in a high-rise in the inner city. My building has lots of singles and couples of all ages, many of whom have dogs they walk multiple times a day. I love riding the elevator with canines and their people. I see new residents walking their dogs with people who I know don’t have kids. I can see friendships blooming every day in my neighborhood dog park. You don't even need to bring along a dog.
5. Use online dating sites.
Since about one in five adults will never have kids, we’re different than mainstream daters. Novelty is interesting. Frame yourself as a prime catch, because you are. Our attention isn’t distracted by our kids’ needs. We don’t get diverted by their emergencies. We can enjoy another person’s kids on our own terms. We define our roles and develop our boundaries.
There’s even a dating site for people without kids.1 I stumbled on this site just as I quit online dating, so I can’t weigh in on how well it works. But I love the idea.
Today my inner friendship circle is comprised of more childless and childfree adults than parents. I love that their ages span six decades. And no one ever talks about their kids.
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