Can AI Help With Dating and Finding a Partner?

AI can help you with dating. But is that a good idea?

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Modern dating is tough. To make it easier, singles are turning to AI for help. But should you really rely on robots for your love life?

Can AI Help with Dating?

AI has already infiltrated modern dating. According to the recent Singles in America study by Match Group, 27% of online daters feel optimistic about using AI for dating. Among singles who have tried it, 43% used AI to help write their dating app profile, and 37% used it to craft a first message. Some think it helps — 26% reported receiving more matches, 27% got better matches, and 32% met potential partners faster with AI assistance. Interestingly, one-third of singles believe AI can assess romantic compatibility.

Putting AI to the Test: Flirty Texting

To see how AI handles a common dating question, I asked, "What's a flirty text I can send someone?” Here's ChatGPT's suggestion:

“Hey there, just wanted to let you know that you've been on my mind lately. Your smile has a way of brightening up my day. Care to join me for [insert activity or event] sometime? I have a feeling it would be a lot of fun with you by my side. 😊"

My Analysis: First, it’s way too long and positions the sender as chasing after the other person, which seems needy or desperate. The message is a bit sexually suggestive, which isn’t ideal (it’s better to build your relationship on friendship and compatibility). Similarly, I’d suggest focusing less on looks (e.g., smile) and more on substance (e.g., intellect, humor, kindness, positivity).

To make sure this first try wasn’t a fluke, I asked the AI to try again:

"Hey there, just a friendly reminder that you make my heart race every time I see you. 😏 How about we grab a coffee/drink sometime and continue this electrifying connection we've got going on? Can't wait to see that charming smile of yours again."

My Analysis: It’s really more of the same, problems and all, so I’ll skip the lengthy analysis. At least the AI is consistent. One bonus aspect this time was including the phrase “electrifying connection” which sounds cringey. But maybe that’s how robots talk.

My Suggestion: Here’s a suggestion from a human (me): Try texting something a bit out of the ordinary, like sending a picture with the message “Saw this and thought you.” Or “Weird observation…” then send something quirky/interesting. One other suggestion is to ask a question or give them a challenge, “I’d love to get your thoughts on something…”

Putting AI to the Test: Dating Advice

The great thing about AI is that you can ask judgment-free questions. For example, “How do I make a guy like me?” or “How do I avoid arguments in my relationship?” Sounds good, but…

My Analysis: Those questions will get you an answer. The problem is, maybe you shouldn’t. They aren’t the right question or the best approach. For the first one, it’s much more important to have a partner like you for who you are (i.e., be authentic, and the right person for you will like that). For the second question, you really shouldn’t avoid arguments. It’s better to work through small issues so they don’t become worse.

Why AI Isn’t Great for Dating

The suggestions aren’t great (at least so far). Case in point: when scientist Janelle Shane tasked AI with creating the best pickup line ever, it produced this: “You look like a thing, and I love you.” Weird.

Not surprisingly, a research paper titled “Should ChatGPT Write My Breakup Text?” concluded that, no, you shouldn’t (Fu et al., 2024). In their words, “current technologies often fall short in fully addressing the nuanced needs of individuals”

But the most compelling case is research showing that people want a human element in certain experiences like art (Samo & Highhouse, 2023). People preferred human art over machine art and reported more positive emotions after experiencing human art. That desire for humanness likely extends to other experiences like music and, yes, love.

Ultimately, relying on artificial intelligence is inauthentic. Would you want your possible partner to be a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac by using someone else’s words? Nope. You want truth in advertising and a dating partner who uses their own words. You should do the same.

When AI Might Be OK in Dating

Artificial Intelligence Essential Reads

AI Enables Virtual Behavioral Neuroscience

AI Performance Enhanced With Human Developmental Psychology

If you’re stuck and drawing a blank writing a dating profile or even a text, AI can avoid the scary blank page and help you get started. AI is also a fantastic way to help gather information and facts if you want to learn about the different types of love, attachment styles, or problematic communication methods.

Overall, I think Adam Grant said it best, “One of the things I've noticed so far is that AI is terrible at coaching. Terrible. Like you, you ask for advice on anything. And so far tools like Claude and ChatGPT give you the most banal, trite suggestions you could possibly think of. And I think this is where there's still a great human advantage.”