AI, Narcissism, and the Future of Sex

Perhaps one of the guarantees of adulthood is that intimate relationships can be challenging. As awesome as love, passion, companionship, and connection can feel, it just as certainly generates some of the more painful moments of life. Nonetheless, despite these inherent struggles, research consistently suggests that intimate relationships protect us from a wide variety of serious ailments - from loneliness to depression to medical illness. Research consistently agrees: Human connection is good for us. Further, our hope and longing for intimacy motivates us to become better people – to work harder, obtain an education, exercise, and other goals – things that increase our value as partners in the eyes of others.

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However, a fascinating shift is underway. We are approaching a time when we will no longer be required to depend on our fellow humans to meet our intimacy needs. In many ways, humans can be upstaged by AI lovers, including chatbots, avatars, cam girls, and sex robots. For example, tech is quickly evolving to the point that AI photos look “more human” (Nightingale and Farid, 2021) and “more trustworthy” (Tucciarelli and colleagues, 2022) than photos of real humans. One study even found that when chatbots and humans played video games together, chatbots were kinder to humans than the human participants were to each other (Mei et al, 2023)! Porn generated via virtual reality is consistently rated as “more arousing” than the old-fashioned, two-dimensional variety (Evans 2023).

In addition, modern sex toys, developed for all types of genitals, can create more stimulation than most human partners can provide. Images created in all formats can be generated to a level of physical perfection that humans are unlikely to achieve – even with unlimited plastic surgery. Virtual sex partners offer far more creative sexual options than the typical human partner is willing or capable of enacting. Furthermore, while most of us prefer a human partner to the artificial variety, there are unavoidable downsides to human lovers that are not a concern among the AI variety. For example, humans can be grumpy, make hurtful comments, and say “no” to sex. Humans care if you didn’t brush your teeth, and may be unwilling to talk you through your favorite sexual fantasy – let alone enact it with you. None of these issues will interfere with an AI lover’s sexual performance or enthusiasm. As a result, it seems likely to me that just like human lovers, in many ways virtual lovers will be irreplaceable in their own, unique way.

I am thus compelled to wonder how the AI addition to our bedrooms will affect our sense of humanity, and in particular, what appears to be our current cultural tendency toward narcissism. Perhaps shaped by an internet embracing, promoting, and prioritizing personal opinions and feelings at the expense of others, narcissism seems to have become a modern-day buzzword when considering the challenges of intimacy. Since narcissistic romantic partners are more concerned with their own sexual needs than those of their partners, it seems possible that AI partners will only promote this way of relating. Furthermore, researchers have noted that young adults seek sex education from sex tech (Cormier and O’Sullivan 2021). How this combination of human connection on the internet coupled with romantic relationships with AI lovers will unfold, only time will tell. But if our AI lovers no longer motivate us to grow, and our primary place of socialization (the internet) only encourages our self-focus, I do wonder if narcissism is here to stay.

But it doesn’t have to be. Just recognizing these dynamics as they unfold could have a positive impact on our intimate relationships. Our self-growth as a population will require determination and effort, but these skills are within our reach if we own them as goals and priorities. Together, we can write the story of the future of intimacy. And in doing so, we can conceivably combine all the benefits of technology with the age-old wisdom of humanity. Rather than write a story of the future of humanity as increasing narcissism, let’s write a story of human evolution that enhances our ability to care for each other. We have the skills to create a stronger, more humane future. Now we need the determination.