Balancing Needs as a Caregiver

It’s impossible to talk about caregiving without talking about all the other things in your life. Your primary relationship. Your social life. Your job. Even your lawn.

Source: SilviaJansen / iStock

How is your work going right now? Are you doing enough or have you had enough? Have your colleagues noticed that you’re not all there? Has your boss asked if something is going on?

There’s no way to perform at 100 percent in every aspect of life unless you’re some freakish superhero.

If you’re lucky, you have a salaried job with good benefits, compassionate colleagues, and a supportive supervisor. In this case, all you have to do is let them know what’s going on and assure them that you are doing your best. They’ll admire your efforts to meet all your commitments—including your caregiving—and they’ll cut you some slack when they realize how strong you’ll be on the other side (and have mad respect for what you manage to accomplish on all fronts).

Caregiving means phone calls at inopportune times. The emergency department nurse calling you with an update will not sit by the phone dialing your number until you’re available. The specialist will not call a second time to explain a complex condition just because you weren’t able to attend a doctor’s appointment.

You have to take those calls.

If providers do that, they are the exception, not the norm. Their reality simply does not allow for that, so you must accommodate, remain in the dark about the details of what is happening, or wait until the physician’s notes have been updated in the portal, which may take days.

Caregiving also means canceling meetings at the last minute to address a crisis. Dealing with a situation may not require all hands on deck, but it definitely requires a couple. Maybe your loved one consistently sees the same health care providers in the same clinics, centers, and hospitals and all of their health data are available across the whole works, in which case there is a better chance of getting quality, appropriate care. If not, it’s a crap shoot unless someone calls or shows up to give the details: their insurance, their list of meds, their symptoms, their adherence to doctor recommendations, any noticeable changes in their health and behavior.

Caregiving also means feeling perpetually out of sorts, or high on adrenaline, or strung out on cortisol, or just plain tired.

Who's on your team?

A top priority needs to be forming your "team." These are people you prioritize and who prioritize you. Some of them are paid, others are volunteers. Everyone brings their best to the table. Your friends. Your partner. Your doctor or other provider. Your therapist. Your fitness and body wellness people. Your spiritual or faith practice guides. Even your ancestors, companion animals, or nature herself.

The term "work-life balance" has gradually shifted to "work-life integration" to better reflect the reality of the ebbs and flows between the two. The same can be said of caregiving. There will not likely be a perfect balance, but one can strive toward greater integration between you and your team, and your love one and their team.

The trick within caregiving, if there is one, is to find your power within it. We know it depletes you in some ways—to say otherwise is magical thinking—but how does it replete you? Whatever that looks like, once you identify it, just may be your super power.