How to Win When Competing for Success

Competition

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I find that there are three ways a person can handle competition, or rather “perceived competition.” They either rise, rant, or remove. Depending upon how a person responds, it might impact their functioning in general, especially social interactions.

Feeling competitive is an innate and natural response that humans have. In many ways, it is very much like a reflex. There is a survival component involved. For instance, if the media announces that a hurricane may be coming and shows footage of people lining up to buy water and supplies, you may feel a need to stock up too. When at the store, you see a neighbor grab 3 cases of water, you suddenly have an urge to grab 3 cases or more. The drive to compete or “keep up” is very strong.

Even though the competitive drive feeling is most likely similar for most, people react to that feeling differently. I have discovered 3 different ways that people respond to this instinctual/triggering feeling.

First, a person may remove themselves. For example, picture a talented person waiting in line for a turn at a singing competition. They hear those around them practicing. The opponents' singing creates strong anxiety for the listener who fears the opponents are better singers. Perhaps the anxiety becomes so elevated that the person leaves, withdrawing from the competition.

Many people who handle competitive situations in the “remove” manner may suffer from depression. When someone quits or runs, it sends self-deprecating messages to the brain about not being worthy enough. In time, the person believes these thoughts while their body responds with anxiety, proving the thought correct.

Another way a person may handle that competitive/anxious feeling is by going on a rant. A rant is usually aimed at controlling the competition to get the competitor not to perform well. For example, let’s say you have a social media group made up of real estate agents. Suppose one of the real estate agents notices that another agent has begun posting gorgeous pictures, clearly using makeup and editing filters.

These beautiful pictures become very triggering for the agent, most likely producing a competitive/anxiety feeling. The deep fear may be, “if her pictures are more gorgeous than mine, will she get more attention, money, and fame?” In reaction to the anxiety, the agent goes on a rant on her social media platforms. She scolds all agents for using filters and wearing too much makeup in a loud and declamatory manner. Very similar to the “remove” person, the hope is that complaining and lecturing will shame or annoy her competitor to stop posting beautiful pictures, thereby relieving her own anxiety.

The final, and I believe, most evolved way to handle competitive thoughts and feelings is to rise. What I mean by this is to feel the anxiety from the competitors, but let that anxiety be a motivator to improve or find a new approach. Let’s use the real estate agent’s example. So, the agent begins to feel anxious that the other agent has better-looking pictures. She may start to feel angry that the other agent is cheating by using makeup and filters. Only this time, instead of going on a disciplinary rant to get the other agent to stop, the realtor decides to practice taking better pictures. Maybe she hires a professional photographer. She may change her wardrobe or physical appearance. This will reduce her anxiety if she feels she is working hard to improve her photos and helps her feel in control. She has risen to the occasion.

Let’s assume the realtor does not feel that competing for beautiful photos is a worthy goal. In this case, she can still rise. She can find another way to improve or “step up her game” and reach the other agent. She could create new, savvy, or innovative marketing. She could clock in more hour’s networking. She could start her own YouTube channel. Instead of quitting or scolding the competition, she reduces anxiety by using the competitive feelings as fuel to improve herself. At the end of the day, this is by far the best approach since you only have control over yourself and no one else.