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Relationships
Loving Someone Is a Choice
Choosing to love someone is an active decision we make.
Updated June 19, 2024 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
I'm going to let you in on a little secret about love—it's not just a feeling, it's a choice. That's right, choosing to love someone is an active decision we make, not just some magical thing that happens to us.
Now I know what you might be thinking. "But I thought love was supposed to be this all-consuming, passionate thing that sweeps me off my feet!"
And you're not wrong, love can absolutely feel that way. But the truth is, even those intense feelings of love require a conscious choice on our part to nurture and sustain them.
Love is a journey, not a destination. The longer you stay committed to that journey with your partner, the more your love will deepen and grow. It's like tending to a garden; the more you put in the work, the more beautiful and bountiful the results will be. Your investment in choosing to love will pay off, and your choices to keep loving will become easier over time.
But I won't sugarcoat it, loving someone isn't always easy.
There will be times when it feels effortless and times when it's a real struggle. That's just the nature of the beast. The key is to keep making that choice, even when the feelings aren't there. Because when you do, you open yourself up to hitting notes in life that you could never reach on your own. You and your partner become stronger, both as a couple and as individuals.
Choosing to love someone can be really hard work. It requires constant self-reflection, dissolving our ego, and breaking free of deep-rooted patterns. It's a daily choice, and sometimes even a fight with our old selves.
But you know what? That's what makes it so worth it. When you choose to love someone, you're not just making a decision, you're embarking on a journey together.
And the longer you stay on that flight and share the experience, the more your investment pays off. Your choices become easier, and you both grow stronger as individuals and as a couple.
Choosing to love someone creates opportunities to hit notes in your life that you could never hit alone. It allows you to access a level of connection and fulfillment that goes beyond just "feeling" love. It's about building something greater than just the two of you.
Sure, it's not easy. But what in life that's truly valuable ever is? The responsibility and difficulty of loving someone is worth it because it allows you to evolve, to become the best version of yourself. And that's what makes your choice worth it, every single day.
Building a thriving, sustainable relationship is all about the daily choices you make. It's not just about the big, grand gestures, it's about the little things you do every single day to nurture that connection.
The fundamentals never change. You have to be willing to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. To be vulnerable and share your true thoughts and feelings, even when it's uncomfortable. To take responsibility for your own emotions and actions, rather than just blaming your partner.
It's about seeing the relationship as its own living, breathing entity—not just about your individual needs. You have to continuously work to build trust and intimacy, learning and growing together as individuals and as a couple.
And you have to choose, every single day, to fan the flames of that relationship. The small acts of kindness, the affection, the effort to keep that spark alive. That's what sustains love over the long haul.
But the payoff is so worth it. When you make those daily choices to love deeply and fully, that's when you start to hit notes in your life that you could never hit alone. That's the beauty of a thriving relationship, it makes you both stronger.
Don't just wait for the big, romantic moments. Focus on the little things you can do every single day to nurture that connection. That's how you build something truly lasting.
Building a healthy, lasting relationship is not about finding the "perfect" partner or waiting for love to magically happen. It's about making the daily choice to show up, be vulnerable, and do the work.
The fundamentals of love haven't changed—communication, trust, personal growth, and seeing the relationship as its own entity that you both nurture together. This is the path to true, sustainable intimacy.
When you and your partner are willing to lean into the discomfort, own your own stuff, and build something greater than yourselves, that's when the magic really happens.
Love is a daily choice. Make that choice, minute by minute, hour by hour. Commit to the relationship and your partner's growth, just as much as your own. If you do that, your love will only deepen and become more sustainable over time. It's not easy, but it's so worth it.
