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Key points
- Out-of-control technology usage worsened during the pandemic, for adults and children alike.
- This problem is not limited to a specific demographic group and is increasing across a diverse population.
- There are at least six different areas where technology use can become unhealthy.
- Children and adolescents are particularly vulnerable as their brains are still developing.
A previously social middle schooler is now reluctant to attend family mealtimes and movie nights and has dropped out of her soccer league. Instead, she prefers to spend hours watching videos online. This sedentary activity has led to an unhealthy weight gain.
A college student routinely spends the weekend up all night gaming. They present to student health complaining of moodiness, irritability, and frequent headaches.
A high schooler repeatedly checks for updates on her social media platforms and is distracted from her real-world classroom. She does not engage with the course material, participate in group projects, or collaborate with her classmates, and her grades start to drop.
A teenager refuses to go to school and spends the whole day in his bedroom on his laptop. When his parents attempt to limit his access to the internet, he threatens suicide.
If you spend any time listening to the top concerns of parents, educators, and healthcare professionals, it is apparent that technology obsessions among youth are becoming increasingly problematic. We now know that unhealthy technology use is not limited to a specific demographic group; it is increasing across a diverse population and worsened during the pandemic. Furthermore, children and adolescents appear to be particularly vulnerable to such obsessions as their brains are still developing.
Frankly, this issue presents a major challenge for parents who may be navigating a virtual landscape they themselves do not fully understand or who are struggling to keep up with rapidly evolving online applications and technologies. Furthermore, the lines between what is acceptable and what is not acceptable are much hazier when it comes to children and the use of technology.
As an example, when considering chemical substances (e.g., nicotine, alcohol, or illicit drugs), virtually no parents would argue that they want their middle schooler to have access to them. Yet, in a world where smartphones are constant companions for many of us, it can be harder to “police” devices that your child also uses to communicate with you or complete their schoolwork.
So how should parents equip themselves to be able to prevent or quickly recognize when their child has an unhealthy relationship with technology?
1. Start these conversations as early as possible in your parenting journey.
Get educated about best practices regarding the ages and stages a child should have access to the internet and devices to access the internet. Establish a philosophy and communicate this to your child, as well as all caregivers involved in raising your child.
Assess your own relationship with technology. Do you need to make modifications to role model healthier habits to your child?
2. Keep these conversations frequent and update them as needed.
As your child gets older, create a space where they feel comfortable discussing their wishes, concerns, and experiences using technology. Be open to being educated if you do not understand their point of view. For example, if you’re concerned that they are spending too much time playing a particular video game, play it with them so you can better articulate where your worries are coming from.
Expect that their needs and desires for technology will change as they grow and develop. Foster a spirit of collaboration when updating your rules and expectations.
3. Cultivate a “nice to have vs. must have” philosophy.
As a parent, it’s your job to communicate the non-negotiables in the day-to-day life of your child. For instance, adequate sleep; healthy nutrition; physical activity; non-virtual play, reading, and discovery; time spent (in real life) with people they care about; and time to focus on learning without multitasking are fundamental “must haves” on any given day. Other technology use is a “nice to have,” which may be included once the fundamentals have been attended to.
4. Do no harm.
Educate yourself and your child about essential privacy safeguards (e.g., never posting sensitive personal information) and adhering to community standards (e.g., reporting abusive behavior, considering the impact of your own words, and avoiding toxic interactions).
Equip your child to avoid online safety risks, such as bullying, unwanted solicitation, or embarrassment.
Encourage them to be aware of how what they are seeing on social media is affecting their mood. Consistent feelings of anger, fear, envy, stress, depression, or anxiety may be signals that it is time for a digital detox.
5. Establish boundaries.
If needed, use parental controls and establish device-free zones (e.g., bedrooms) and device-free activities (e.g., mealtimes).
6. Know the different types of problematic technology use.
There are different areas where harmful, compulsive behaviors may develop. These include:
- Social media: Experts suggest that a strong warning sign of problematic social media use could be “extended passive use of social media, where one is more voyeur than active participant. Another red flag may be related to FOMO, or the 'fear of missing out' on the latest news developments or the fabulous lives of others, as a person’s driving factor in social media use.”
- Internet gaming: According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 90 percent of young Americans play computer games. While gaming disorders are not yet formally included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), Internet Gaming Disorder, as it is referred to in the DSM-5-TR, is currently included in the section recommending conditions for further research.
- Texting and email: A sign that this mode of communication is becoming unhealthy is when more and more time is spent in communications, or when children become entangled in sexting or cyberbullying.
- Online gambling
- Online shopping and auction participation
- Online pornography
While these latter three behaviors are widely formally recognized by mental health professionals for their potential to become unhealthy, current concerns are centered around how access to the internet has broadened and intensified the opportunities for such behaviors to become more problematic by making them more accessible, affordable, and providing more anonymity.
7. Know the symptoms of problematic technology use.
A person struggling with unhealthy technology use may:
- Think obsessively about their behavior when not online.
- Show signs of withdrawal (i.e. moodiness, irritability) if they are shut out from their technology of choice.
- Require greater time or intensity in their behavior to achieve the same effect.
- Have difficulties with meeting other personal and educational responsibilities.
- Continue to use the technology despite negative consequences.
- Have ongoing problems with usage over an extended period
- Deceive family members about how much time is spent on the activity.
8. Seek professional help.
If you have concerns your child is struggling with out-of-control technology use, seek professional help. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
