Overcoming Empathy Fatigue

Let's just go through this one more time
I've nothing better to do with this life
Than this endless strife
The endless cries
All contrived
You're talking
Endless
Talking
Saying
Nothing

Matt Elliot, Compassion Fatigue

Empathy fatigue occurs after chronic exposure to the two T’s: tragedy and trauma. It shows up while in a long-term care-taking role, whether for a loved one or as a medical professional caring for those in need of medical and psychological interventions. Sherry Turkle, PhD also believes the loss of empathy may be due to technology. Clearly, the settings for its appearance are vast. How it shows up may be different for different people. A lack of empathy means it’s harder to connect to others emotionally, conversations and community are shunted because being cut off seems to be the brain's way of setting a boundary for the overwhelmed psyche that has nothing more to give.

Dr. Doty, a researcher and writer shares "that we seek consistency, calmness or an environment in which we know the rules. ...In uncertain situations, the illusion is broken and results in engagement of our sympathetic nervous system commonly known as our flight, fight or freeze response." Empathy is affected when the illusion of safety is fractured and the sense of internal balance is hijacked by external forces which cannot be controlled.

Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

Empathy fatigue reminds me of the story “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. The tender tree continues to give and give and give to its owner, aka the people who need you, who ask and ask and ask without ever thanking the tree for that which it was giving. The tree selflessly gives until it is a stump and has nothing more to give. If that tree could have had a voice, and said “No” or set parameters, perhaps it wouldn’t have been literally and metaphorically killed.

In a 2016 article in Psychology Today written by F. Diane Barth LCSW, she writes about saying “No” and what makes it so hard to do. She discusses the fear of conflict as one reason avoiding the no response is the chosen response.

When you have trouble getting to a "No," you are actually saying no to your own needs, as well. Worrying about what others think or feel about your need for self-care creates more stress and, ultimately, less attention to needed personal care.

Emotional Overload

In the world right now there are so many types of tragedies and losses shaping perspective, causing immeasurable and often unidentified stress. But if you are finding it hard to identify, engage in, and ultimately process emotions, emotional overload may be part of the issue. External messages, incessantly speaking to the horrors of war, political unrest and a sense that what was once safe, doesn’t feel that way anymore impacts well-being. The emotional overload of the external world certainly affects the potential for empathy fatigue to interrupt the normal rhythms of one's personal and professional life.

Think about it: exposure to the sorrow and loss of life in such quick succession, from COVID, to the current war scapes, and violence in city streets, can cause people to go into what I call "the place of emotional armor." This is the go-to place for people experiencing their first introduction to the potency of grief and loss. It is in this place where numbness, denial and protest exist. It is the place where grief’s agitation and lability live. Each of these responses protect and defend against the pain of grief and the different ways in which it shows up in its incessant cry to be seen, heard and handled. The emotional armor place is a safe haven, to re-regulate the self, to go into the depths of protective emotions, until it's ready to engage again in the process that grief demands for integration and partnership with it.

Anxiety and Trauma

Empathy and compassion are aspects of personality development which secure the ability to tap into the depths of sensitivity towards others and their pain. When constantly bombarded by tragedy, emotional apathy takes the place of empathy. If left unchecked, this kind of apathy leads to a deep malaise, depression, anxiety, or dissociative responses.

Exposure to constant negativity can lead to anxiety and increased stress levels. Anxiety is a feeling which contributes to sensory overload and shows up within the body and psyche as panic, worry, and fear. Anxiety can show up when you fear what you know you need to say, like saying, No. The No is an action which sets boundaries for the care of the soul. If you are not used to getting to No, think about how it feels to say yes to something you'd rather not do. When you get to No, something miraculous happens; The anxiety slows and might even quiet to a point that it feels as if it disappeared.

If you are unsure about the needs of the psyche this is a great exercise I created to engage in what I call a S.T.O.P. moment. Take note of how you feel prior to this exercise and after this exercise.

S.T.O.P –– S-Sensory Scan T- Tension Release O- Open your heart P- Pause

Sensory Scan: From the top of your head to your toes, heart, belly, butt, feet, earlobes, eyes, look for tension areas. Scan for cravings like sweet, sour, and salty.

Anxiety Essential Reads

Helping Children with Performance Anxiety

How I Quickly Stopped a Panic Attack

What emotions are going on? Feelings can also be spiritual: How am I connected/ disconnected to my God, or this earth or a loved one?

Tension Release: When tension areas are found, note the emotions being felt and where they've lodged themselves. Acknowledge the tension physically by taking two minutes to rub the outside of your jaw, yawning, stretching or even marching in place. Look ridiculous and allow yourself to do that. If the tension is in your gut, rub it and breathe in and out, saying on the in breath, "I am" and saying on the out breath, "Calm". You are talking to one of your best allies, your brain.

Opening Your Heart: Focus on the tension without judging, it is a part of the heart and soul.

Pause: Take in what you just did. Not a meditation, just sit with the scan and even pause again and if, the tension hasnn't reduced then do another re-scan. (Aren't you worth it?)

Taking breaks from the news and learning ways to calm your nervous system (such as meditation, breathing exercises, music or yoga) can help lower stress levels and improve your overall mental health. Along with these stress reducers, getting to “No” is another vital aspect to self-care.

Self-care interrupts the powerlessness within empathy fatigue.

How to cope with Empathy Fatigue?

Source: Photo by Fabian Møller on UnSplash

Take Care Of You

1. Focus on being present in each moment. Ask yourself, Did I engage in that conversation or did my mind wander? Did I want to be in the conversation, and if not what could I have done to disengage?

2. Do you know what activities bring you joy? Make a list and be curious as to when you last engaged in that activity. Give yourself the gift of time to engage in the activities that bring you joy and calm. Even if it means setting parameters and boundaries. Socially engaging with others on a walk, a conversation, listening to music, sleeping or saying No are aspects of self-care.
3. Empathy fatigue needs an interrupter. It’s a powerful force to reckon with, and needs to be challenged. In small incremental steps, practice tapping into feelings related to you first: That’s what you’re doing in the exercise above. Now, think about someone you care about, and may have cared for and had empathy for. Now allow the self to summon the sensorial experiences within your mind and body. As you reminisce, remember how it felt to care. Write about the memory. This is a reminder to your brain and your neural pathways that empathy is available to you.

Whatever it looks like for you, when self-care is a priority it makes navigating the difficult times easier without going into a mindless, and often painful, saga of focusing on that which you cannot control: The incessant trajectory of tragedy which is front and center.