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Alcoholism
3 Ways That Mothers Fall Victim to "Mommy Drinking Culture"
The next time you hear "Mommy needs a drink," recognize it as a cry for help.
Posted June 18, 2024 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
“In many ways, saying ‘Mommy needs a drink’ is a socially acceptable way to say motherhood is really difficult and ‘Mommy needs help,’” explains Professor Jenna Abetz of Charleston College, co-author of a new study published in the Journal Of Family Studies. The study describes how modern mothers make sense of the emerging cultural phenomenon of “mommy drinking” or “the wine mom.”
Drinking has become a common practice in many American households. According to a 2023 Gallup Survey, an average of 63% of adults drink frequently—that’s six in 10 people. While the drinking trend is on the decline among the younger generations, there is a group in which it’s steadily on the rise—mothers.
“Over the past 15-20 years, drinking—even heavy drinking—has become normalized for mothers who are white and middle class. During COVID-19, alcohol use particularly sky-rocketed among women with children,” said Abetz.
Alcohol poses significant health risks, some unique to women. It increases the risk of liver disease, cognitive decline, heart damage and various cancers, including breast cancer. Why, then, is drinking seeing an uptrend among mothers?
Here are three reasons, according to research.
1. ‘Mommy Drinking’ as a Means to Feel Seen
Social media use has given significant rise to the mommy drinking trend. A popular platform for mothers to share information, social media exposes them to and influences them with alcohol-related content.
This trend is endorsed by popular merchandise and alcohol brands targeted toward women, capitalizing on the intense demands and pressures of contemporary motherhood.
“Mommy drinking is more than an individual health behavior; it has become a pop culture and social media phenomenon that is reinforced at different levels of society,” explained Abetz.
Numerous memes made rounds on social media with messages such as, “No kids, Mommy says she needs more WINE, not more WHINE,” or “I can’t wait for the day when I can drink with my kids instead of because of them.” Not only do these trends normalize alcohol consumption among mothers as a coping mechanism for the challenges of parenting but also humorously stigmatize motherhood and children for being the source of stress.
Another recent study published in the Psychology of Popular Media discovered that exposure to “wine mom” content alters mothers’ views on alcohol, especially for those who have seen similar messages before. Additionally, mothers who often compare themselves to others are more likely to perceive drinking as a common behavior among moms.
2. ‘Mommy Drinking’ as a Call for Community
“Because drinking had become so ingrained in everyday life—not only when adults socialized, but also at playdates and kids’ birthday parties—participants shared that this ubiquity, alongside the playful humor of mommy drinking culture, held the potential to both hide and perpetuate problematic and high-risk drinking behaviors,” explains Abetz.
Mommy drinking allows mothers to bond over shared experiences of motherhood and find support in a relaxed setting. It may provide stress relief, foster new friendships and offer a chance for mothers to celebrate milestones in a social setting. Still, it also inadvertently promotes alcohol dependence and abuse.
“We tend to think of substance use as something people do for pleasure, and that is certainly true. But many people are drawn to substances like alcohol because they reduce emotional and physical discomfort,” said George F. Koob, the director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. “Unfortunately, women tend to experience more cumulative stress in their daily lives, which can motivate alcohol or other substance use and place them on a slippery slope.”
3. ‘Mommy Drinking’ as a Cry for Help
The rise of mommy drinking culture is masking the deeper issues surrounding modern motherhood. These include—but are not limited to—societal expectations of perfectionism in motherhood, the disproportionate mental load mothers bear regardless of their employment status and lack of support for mothers facing real challenges. These not only make them vulnerable to alcohol dependency but other mental health concerns as well.
Furthermore, joking or implying that wine is the solution to the lack of postpartum care and mental burden of motherhood undermines and dismisses their struggles.
“We found that mothers were very aware of the ways in which mommy drinking can serve as another way to divide and disparage mothers and draw attention away from the very real, systematic and structural problems of disadvantaged mothers that oftentimes influence their decision to drink to cope,” says Abetz. “From paid parental leave and flexible work arrangements to accessible, affordable high-quality childcare, there are critical policies that would support mothers, in addition to having men share more equitably in the mental load of parenting within relationships.”
Perhaps shifting our focus towards reducing barriers and offering mothers additional support could potentially empower them and enhance their ability to navigate their responsibilities more effectively rather than turning to alcohol for support and belonging.
A version of this post also appears on Forbes.com.
