The Psychology and Physiology of “Bad” Orgasms

Is there such a thing as a bad orgasm? Sexual scripts would have us believe that all consensual orgasms are wonderful and have a positive impact on our sexual health and well-being. In reality, those same sexual scripts can negatively impact the sexual experience for some. Research conducted by Chadwick, Francisco, and van Anders (2019) indicates that there are bad orgasms, even within the frame of consensual sexual experiences.

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In this study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Chadwick, et al., surveyed 726 individuals from a diverse sample of gender and sexual identities, with 289 participants providing qualitative data to supplement the survey’s quantitative statistics. Participants were asked about orgasms experience in three contexts: coerced sex, consensual sex, and when they felt pressured to have an orgasm. The focus of the study was an exploration of bad orgasms within consensual sexual experience. The findings of the study revealed that participants did report having bad orgasms in consensual sexual situations. Furthermore, these experiences with bad orgasms had negative impacts on the participants' sexuality, relationships, and psychological health.

Within the frame of consensual sexual situations, bad orgasm experiences were explained in psychological, physiological, and social location terms. Some of the descriptions and explanations of a bad orgasm included:

• Weakness of orgasm. Participants acknowledged that they physically (i.e. technically) had an orgasm, but it was weaker than other orgasms they had experienced and was not associated with pleasure. One example of this goes back to sexual scripts that define orgasm as an end goal of sex. This can create stress and pressure on a person to have an orgasm, however, that orgasm may only be a physical end and not a pleasurable one.
• Orgasms occurring without a desired emotional connection were described as bad orgasms.
• Pain played a factor in having a bad orgasm experience. But what was reported was not the pain associated with a sexual function disorder. Rather, this was pain that came from the individual being too tired, or as a result of it taking too long for the orgasm to occur.
• In the frame of social location, gendered sexual scripts and stereotypes contributed to the negative orgasm experience. Some women noted that gendered stereotypes impact their orgasm because they felt they had to orgasm to bolster a man’s ego. Some men in the study displayed their frustration with gendered scripts dictating that men always want sex and that their orgasms were easily obtained.
• Misalignment of the individual’s gender identity was also reported to play a role. A bisexual trans woman in the study detailed the psychological and physical conflict that produced the perception of a negative orgasm experience:

As a trans female with a female partner, sometimes after orgasm I feel a lot of dysphoria and unhappiness with my body. I suppose some of it feels a little sad as a reminder of being in the wrong body and some of it feels like jealousy and sadness that I will never be able to feel the true sensation of having a female orgasm… It’s hard to explain but that actually used to happen a lot before I came out to my wife. They [orgasms] feel about the same physically. Sometimes when I’m feeling less pressure or dysphoria I don’t have as much after thought but physically they are basically the same (Chadwick, et al., 2019: 2452).

• Race and ethnicity factored in, with such examples as women of color feeling fetishized, which contributed to a bad orgasm experience.
• Finally, religion was reported to influence the bad orgasm experience. Participants detailed how their religious background contributed to shame and guilt around pleasure and orgasm.

Respondents reported relationship issues stemming from these negative episodes. Pressure from their partners to orgasm caused stress that, in some cases, made individuals less interested in sex. Respondents also reported feeling that their partners were not concerned about their negative experiences.

Breaking from the script that every orgasm is an earthly delight and a spiritual wonder, and understanding what contributes to having a bad orgasm in consensual sexual situations is beneficial in maintaining a healthier and more rewarding sex life. Actively situating one’s self in a relationship where both partners can be transparent about negative aspects of sexuality and support each other only strengthens the relationship and one’s sexual selfhood.