How Romantic Relationships Influence Alcohol Use

A glass of wine with dinner, drinks with friends, alcohol is ingrained in our social rituals.

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A glass of wine with dinner, drinks with friends at the bar, and a "cheers" to kick off the weekend—alcohol is ingrained in our social rituals.

But what about our romantic relationships? In dating and marriage, we share experiences, friends, and social events with our significant others. Research shows that our social circles have a significant influence on alcoholism.

If you’re trying to take control of your relationship with alcohol, it’s important to take a step back and look at your relationship with your romantic partner.

How Do Romantic Partners Affect Alcohol Use and Misuse?

A 2020 study examined the effects of romantic partners on alcohol use. Here’s what the researchers found:

• Romantic partners influence each other’s alcohol use.

Results showed that in dating or marriage, your romantic partner does have a small yet meaningful impact on your alcohol use.

There are several explanations for this. For one, “Birds of a feather flock together.” If you’re a heavy drinker, you may spend more time with (and date) those who do the same.

Of course, alcohol is highly social. If your partner is drinking, you may feel pressured to conform and fit in. As you spend more time together, you’ll share more experiences and environments, likely impacted by each other’s drinking habits.

• Women significantly affect men’s alcohol use in dating or marriage.

Who has the stronger social influence: men or women? The study found that women had a statistically stronger influence on men’s alcohol use than men had on women.

This influence can be positive or negative, as women may encourage their partners to either limit their drinking or engage in risky behaviors.

How Does Alcoholism Affect Romantic Relationships?

Romantic relationships affect alcohol—and alcohol affects romantic relationships.

Alcoholism affects not only your physical health but also your mental and social health. While it may feel like a social loss to pass on a glass, there are even greater social costs of alcohol misuse and alcoholism. These include increased likelihood of the following:

• Conflict in romantic relationships
• Separation and divorce
• Family conflict
• Family violence
• Damage to relationships, whether friendships, dating, or marriage

Alcoholism can also numb satisfaction in marriage. Spouses of partners with alcohol use disorders report decreased satisfaction and increased depression, anxiety, and stress.

Romantic partners, especially women, influence each other's alcohol use.

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Work on Your Romantic Relationship to Work on Your Relationship With Alcohol

Alcohol and alcoholism affect our romantic relationships, social lives, and mental health and vice versa. To treat and overcome alcoholism, it’s essential to address not only your alcohol use but also the alcohol use of your partner. Their support can make or break your progress as you move forward in your healing journey.

You may need to limit social gatherings or distance yourself from friends that encourage alcohol misuse for a time. You may need to change your daily habits or environment to help you avoid situations and places you associate with drinking alcohol—for example, chatting with your partner about how your day was over tea in the kitchen instead of beer in the living room or going for a walk to destress after a long day instead of pouring a drink. In all of these scenarios, your partner's support is integral.

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Healing can be found together. Individual and couples therapy can equip you with the perspective, tools, and resources you need to embrace a healthier relationship with yourself, your partner, and alcohol.

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