I Have a Problem With “Practice Makes Perfect”

We have all heard the phrase "practice makes perfect." We were told this from an early age by caregivers, teachers, and coaches. I assume, if you're like me, you've heard it enough times and adopted it into your bank of truisms. It was an often-used, well-timed offering of encouragement and motivation. It was the directive that led me to persist as a child on hard tasks and new activities and later, as an adult, through challenging situations when I questioned my desire or ability to stay with something.

Did you, like me, nod and say, "Yes, yes, of course," and get back to the task at hand?

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I can see the merit in someone telling you to "keep trying" and encouraging you to persist, stay dedicated to learning, and not give up. The first part of this phrase is not where my hesitation lies. It's the second. The part about making "perfect."

I will break down the problems of wholly adopting a phrase such as "Practice makes perfect" and offer a different mindset we can have that won't lead to perfectionism and holding ourselves to unrealistic standards.

The "Perfect" in Perfectionism

I am someone who continuously unlearns her own perfectionistic tendencies, as well as works with psychotherapy clients to help them relate differently to their versions of perfectionism. I feel as though I now have a hyper-tuned signaling device that can catch any wind of perfectionism. I am very wary of the term "perfect," and I wince at its mere mention.

Once I developed more self-awareness of how perfectionism underlined my approach to work, relationships, hobbies, and even "self-care," I couldn't unsee it. I could feel its touch in every area of my and others' lives. And, so, imagine my reaction when I was recently writing some phrases of encouragement in my journal and caught myself writing: "Practice makes perfect." I stared at the words "Practice makes perfect," and the perfectionism homing device went off.

Perfect. No wonder we're so obsessed with perfection. We've been told to work harder and to never give up as a means to get to the other side, which, apparently, would be some form of perfection. But in actuality, we were given a recipe for failure and disappointment because that outcome was never going to exist. Perfect does not exist, so no matter how much you practice, persist, and keep trying, you are not going to get to "perfect."

"But surely, it's not meant to be taken literally." Sure, it seems an innocuous phrase, but I think there is potential harm in being told something enough times that has the word "perfect" in its name. I don't think it's to be taken lightly that we get told over and over again that perfection is something that we should strive for.

Here are two reasons why you should pause to question your own relationship to this phrase:

1. You're being set up to try for something that will not be. Practice can quickly become associated with a persistent sense of failure. "Why, no matter how much I try, do I not feel like I've gotten it perfect?" Or, "Sure, I did this well, but didn't you see how I could've done better?"
2. You associate things not working "perfectly" with a failure on your part. You internalize a belief that it's because you haven't done enough, you haven't practiced enough, or you are doing it wrong. It's your fault.

It's Time to Reclaim the Power of Practice.

This is not a case against practicing and striving to do better. I am not saying, "So don't practice because there's no point." There are so many benefits to practicing, taking risks, and trying things even when and especially when things won't "work." It's just that I don't want us to keep believing the lie we were told that if we practiced enough, then we would "make perfect."

Practice is so we can get better, we can have experiences, and we can try and gain more information about what works and doesn't work. Practice is not to get to this illusory point in the distance, nor is it our fault if we don't ever feel like things turn out the way we expected them to.

It's time to reclaim the reasons for practicing.

Perfectionism Essential Reads

Being Average Can Be Good for You

The Bad Advice of "Always Be Useful"

The Benefits of Practicing

1. Practice entails making mistakes. You learn from mistakes. When you make mistakes and recover from them, you also learn that mistakes will not destroy you. You can get back up and try again. It's one thing for someone else to say so and another for you to experience it for yourself.
2. Practice leads to new experiences. You will build new skills and learn things about yourself along the way that you otherwise wouldn't have if you hadn't started and continuously put in the work. Often, our fear of making mistakes and putting in the work prevents us from starting new things. This limits the range of experiences in our lives.
3. Practice increases our self-efficacy and self-confidence. Self-efficacy is defined as the belief you have about your capability to do something or to achieve the results you want. The more you practice and get feedback that even small steps lead to small improvements and growth, the more it can build up your confidence for future action.
4. Practice provides more structure to your life. Regularly scheduling time to practice an activity will help you stick with it. The time set aside for practice will ease the mental load of trying to "fit it in."
5. Practice leads to greater humility and patience. It's not easy to put the time and effort into something new, no matter how enjoyable it seems at the outset. You're going to experience mistakes and frustrations along the way. This is humbling and means you need to be extra patient with yourself in this process. You may become more patient with others whom you notice struggle on their respective journeys of learning new skills and taking on new roles.

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Creative Ways to Practice Without Aiming for Perfection

1. What is your why?: Remind yourself of why you're doing something in the first place.
2. "Good enough": Define what "good enough" is and strive for that good enough place.
3. Doing something is better than doing nothing: Remember the fact that you're trying and showing up to practice something is far better than avoiding a new activity altogether. You get to experience something, and that in itself is more important than whatever "perfect" outcome you think is out there.
4. Adapt! If you're struggling to make something work, be flexible and adapt your plan, your approach, and your expectations. This flexibility will help you not give up on something prematurely. Just because something doesn't come easily to you at first doesn't mean you aren't meant to continue trying. It just may mean you need to try a different approach. For example, asking for help and imparting support from others can make things go smoother and may lead to even better experiences and results.

Do you remember the first time you were told, "Practice makes perfect"? What has your relationship been like with this phrase? How has it changed over time? I'd love to hear about your personal journeys and stories with this phrase and how it has shown up in your life.