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Coincidences are often funny little stories we share around the dinner table, exclaiming, “Now what are the odds of that?” or “Isn’t that the most amazing thing?” Less often discussed are the coincidences that are bothersome, or even deeply unsettling. Coincidences don’t just serve to find us a great parking spot when we particularly need it or to bring us back into touch with a long-lost beloved friend. Sometimes they bring us things that we would rather not have at all.
For instance, one of my favorite coincidence cases involves a woman who was going through a tumultuous time in her marriage, as her husband had a girlfriend on the side. While taking a train trip one day, the wife marked her seat in an empty car with a newspaper, only to return later and find that the seat directly facing hers was now occupied by none other than her husband’s girlfriend. Not the kind of coincidence most of us want to experience!
The wife’s first instinct was to take her newspaper and find a seat elsewhere. However, she had had a dream, just the night before, about encountering her husband’s girlfriend on a train platform. Just like in real life, her initial reaction had been to run away. But, in the dream, some invisible person had taken her by the shoulders and turned her back toward this other woman, telling her she had to speak to her.
Because of her memory of this dream, the wife decided to sit down across from her husband’s girlfriend and start a conversation. They talked for the rest of the train ride—a full two and a half hours. Through their talk, the wife learned so much new information about her husband that she said it was almost like she was hearing about a different person. What was more, by the time the train reached its destination, it was clear to the wife that her marriage was over. There was simply no use in her wasting her energy trying to save it (Inglis 1990: 165-6).
Now, we can imagine that this woman would have gone out of her way to never see or talk to her husband’s girlfriend. And yet, not only did a coincidence bring this uncomfortable event about, but it used that uncomfortable event to produce a positive outcome in this woman’s life: increased knowledge and a more certain direction for the future. When the thing we’re avoiding is the thing that we most need for our future health and growth, coincidences have a way of confronting us with that thing, in often surprising ways.
In another coincidence case, a man was driving home after a fight with his girlfriend, a fight during which he had exhibited some gratuitously destructive behavior. As he turned onto his road, he saw someone throw a brick through the window of a house, then jump into a car and drive off. The boyfriend noticed that the license plate of the brick thrower’s car bore his own initials. This served as an important lesson for him, as it drew his attention to the fact that the brick through the window was a reflection of his own needlessly hurtful behavior (Inglis 1990: 41).
Perhaps you’ll notice a parallel here with dreams. Dreams often confront us with imagery and situations relating to repressed emotions, such as anger and fear. They force us to deal psychologically with aspects of ourselves that, in waking life, we are very good at putting out of our mind, even though doing the hard work of confronting these pieces of ourselves would make us happier in the long run. Coincidences—whether they have paranormal causes or perfectly mundane ones—can serve the very same purpose. They are a way for our deeper emotions and concerns to call for our healing attention.
In another case involving a coincidental meeting, a woman answered the phone one morning to discover that, though the caller had the wrong number, it was someone she knew and had felt guilty about not being in touch with. As a result, she tried to disguise her voice and got off the phone without identifying herself. Later that day, she was trying to call an arts center in another part of the country, but somehow, she also got a wrong number and ended up falling upon the same woman who had called her on a wrong number that morning! They finally ended up talking to one another at some length, which presumably helped to relieve the woman’s guilt (Vaughan 1979: 63-4).
Uncomfortable coincidences often have a sense of humor. One man, for instance, had the sudden feeling that, if he proceeded along the path he habitually walked, he would run into a friend he didn’t particularly want to see. “I therefore, without hesitation, took another road,” he says, “and having arrived at one of the street corners, whom should I meet but my friend” (Inglis 1990: 190). In this case, the man’s desire not to see his friend was ironically employed to bring about precisely that effect.
How many times do such things happen to us and we rail at our bad luck instead of appreciating the opportunity we’ve been given to confront a problem that’s silently been eating at us? Rather than cursing the malevolence of the universe, we would be wise to look for the hidden gift our uncomfortable coincidences may be offering us: a deeper look into our own psyches.
References
Inglis, B. (1990). Coincidence: A Matter of Chance—or Synchronicity? London: Hutchinson.
Vaughan, A. (1979). Incredible Coincidence: The Baffling World of Synchronicity. New York: J. B. Lippincott Company.
