How to Set Boundaries for Your Empathy

Healthy Boundary

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As an empathetic person, I often sense the feelings that others bring to conversations. Those emotions can be intense to the point of being overpowering.

You may have experienced something similar. If you speak with someone who feels intense sadness, shame, or grief, it can feel like the world's weight is suddenly on your shoulders.

It can be difficult to avoid getting swept up in those feelings when people suffer. I have an internal urge to be there for others' suffering.

As I interact with someone who is suffering, I've learned to balance two things: I want to be there for the other person with presence, open heart, and loving-kindness, and at the same time, I want to set clear boundaries for my own empathy to ensure that the interaction is healthy and right for me.

Empathy allows us to connect with others on a deeper level, but we must prioritize taking care of ourselves. If you let feelings overwhelm you, the stress levels you can encounter could be significantly detrimental to your mental and physical health.

Here are some ways to set healthy boundaries and ensure your empathy won't harm you.

Practice More Self-Awareness

Start by being mindful of how you feel and how the emotions of others affect you. If you notice that you feel drained after being around certain people or situations, it may be a sign that you need to set boundaries for your empathy.

If you practice this regularly, you might even notice in-the-moment warning signs telling you that you are flooded with the other person's emotions and need to step back.

Understand Your Limitations

Get to know how much emotional energy you can give and learn to say no when you need to. Recognizing when you are reaching your limit and communicating it clearly to others is essential.

If you're used to putting others' needs before your own, it can be challenging to turn down requests. Start by turning down small requests you don't have time to complete. A simple statement like, "I'm sorry, but I cannot do that right now," can help you start to develop new habits.

Use "I" Statements

Using "I" statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming others can be helpful when setting boundaries. For example, "I would appreciate a little space right now" instead of "You need to stop because I'm overwhelmed."

Be Selective of Situations

It's OK to be selective about who you surround yourself with and how much time you spend with them. Prioritize moments with those who uplift and support you and notice when supporting someone drains you.

Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself is crucial when setting boundaries for your empathy. Make sure to prioritize your well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. Try setting aside a 30-minute block of time daily to focus on something you love to do.

No one can be everything to everyone. Find out the boundaries you need to set to serve yourself and others in a way that nourishes everyone involved.

Yours in service, Itai

Check out Prof. Itai Ivtzan's Single Session Therapy on Psychology Today: bit.ly/Psych-Today123