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Key points
- Being in therapy has been found to be effective, but the process involves active participation.
- Therapists are not mind readers nor magicians, so being honest and open is critical.
- Whether someone is starting or continuing therapy, self-reflection questions should be considered.
Being in therapy — or even considering the prospect of therapy — has become more acceptable and common in our current society. Therapy stigma is thankfully significantly reduced, with more people seeking out therapists than past generations and virtual sessions having opened up possibilities for more people. My dream is that one day people will visit their therapist as they might visit their dentist, going more often when there are issues of concern but also scheduling regular checkups along the way.
Therapy works, with decades of research supporting the benefits and value of receiving psychotherapy. Therapists are generally focused on helping individuals make significant changes in their day-to-day life functioning, thinking and circumstances; this, in turn, reduces symptoms and improves quality of life.
Choosing to start therapy takes initiative, bravery and some level of optimism. Each person has different goals and needs when it comes to therapy, but involvement, investment and intentionality will result in better, fuller, more expedient results. There are, however, some misunderstandings about how therapy operates and what therapists can offer. Several metaphors allow for improved understanding of the therapist's role and, in turn, increased potential effectiveness.
Holding a Flashlight
Some people come into therapy expecting that a therapist will tell them what to do or will judge them for their decisions. Therapist styles and training actually vary widely, but all trained, licensed therapists generally have a deep desire to assist clients in creating their best life. Therapists are not, however, generally focused on commanding you to make one decision or another (as this doesn’t tend to work in the long run and is likely similar to what individuals may be receiving from family or friends); instead, therapists are more like guides. They walk with you briefly on the path of life, shining a flashlight to point out some patterns or to highlight a particular area of interest or concern along your path. Therapists are not magicians; they are humans who have studied human behavior and psychological interventions as a means of applying this knowledge to a variety of circumstances. They may not always be right, and you may not always like what they have to say, but these therapist guides can often provide valuable insight and support in the journey.
More Like a Gardner Than a Car Mechanic
Therapists' approaches to psychotherapy may vary, but their goals generally involve wanting to help individuals improve, learn, and heal. But unlike going to a car mechanic where one might hand over the car for a scheduled repair appointment, individuals presenting for therapy cannot simply be a passive participant in the process. The therapist might provide some suggestions about soil, watering, or planting location, but the ultimate growth is known to be within the individual. Therapists are sometimes called mental health providers, but it is generally safety and support being provided as a means of helping individuals tap into their inner wisdom and resilience. Therapists bring this attitude to each session, trusting in the inner potential for human beings to flourish and for improvement to occur. When clients also bring in their attitude of interest and focus on actively engaging in the growth process, there can be tremendous therapeutic thriving. Individuals must engage in the process for there to be significant progress
There Are No Crystal Balls
Therapists are not mind readers. They may have a specialization in how humans might behave, think or feel with your type of problem and often are attuned to body language; however, all therapists hope for clients to speak as openly and honestly as possible about issues during therapy sessions, despite this being difficult or embarrassing at times. This allows more specialized information and feedback to be provided and reduces misunderstandings.
Asking You to Open Your Notebook
Some individuals come into treatment assuming that the one-hour meeting will or should make all the changes needed to live a more satisfying life; however, this is generally not how therapy works. Engaging in some kind of follow-up afterwards (such as through completion of a homework assignment, reflection of what was discussed, tracking targeted behaviors or listing follow-up questions in a journal) can all help make sure you are generalizing your efforts to various domains in your life. Engaging in some sort of thinking, feeling or doing in-between sessions can also be helpful because practice makes permanence. When clients are struggling to do this, I sometimes liken it to a teen who really needs to learn algebra but seems to be hesitating to open their notebook to look at the practice problems or to complete the assigned homework. Just carrying around that notebook in a backpack after math class isn’t usually sufficient. More processing, rehearsal, and active engagement with the work are likely to lead to the most effective results.
Self-Reflection Questions
- Whether you are preparing for your first or your one-hundred-and-fifty-first therapy session, are you actively aware of your goals and intentions for therapy?
- Are there times or ways in which you might assume your therapist to be a car mechanic, mind reader or magician? If so, is this something you can explore and discuss with them?
- Are you aware of any hesitations to engaging in some in-between session practice? Any follow-up thinking that you have been avoiding?
