Being Happy for the Bride, Even When Unhappily Single

Source: Sasha Kim/Pexels/Used with permission

People often view weddings as occasions of joy and happiness. In addition, they can require adjustment, acceptance, and mixed emotions, especially if you hate being single. Attending a wedding ceremony solo can sometimes be agonizing if you are jealous of the bride and are all too familiar with the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" syndrome. The bottom line is that you can celebrate their love and happiness without feeling left behind or miserable.

The following are five ways to be genuinely happy for the couple, even when you hate being single.

1. Detach from your ego and connect with your heart. We all have egos as part of the human condition. Our ego is our mind's understanding of who we are. It houses our Inner Saboteur—the negative voice in our head that compares us to others with harsh criticism and judgment and fuels feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Name your Inner Saboteur and tell it to step aside. Connect with your heart and wrap yourself with self-compassion and self-love.

Pay attention to your self-care. You can even measure how well you are doing with your self-care practices. Know and trust that you are exactly where you should be in your life’s trajectory, even if your friends are in different places. Relate to your friends from your heart center with openness, kindness, and love. As you focus on connecting with your heart, it will help eliminate unnecessary stress, allowing you to concentrate on what matters.

1. Shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. A scarcity mindset is based on fear and lacking. The idea is that there aren’t enough resources to go around, so we need to be competitive with others. Have you ever heard somebody say that all the good people are taken or there is nobody good to date? That is scarcity thinking and it fuels panic and negativity. Train your brain to recognize scarcity thoughts and shift to an abundance mindset. The idea of abundance is rooted in the belief that there is more than enough love to go around. Just because somebody found love doesn’t mean there is less for you. Open yourself up to receiving all the love, support, and opportunities you deserve.
2. Clear your energy. It’s understandable to feel down, irritated or envious when a friend has something you desire—this is human. Honor your feelings and develop healthy ways to release them, such as exercise, journaling, art, or therapy. Do deep breathing exercises where you breathe in what you need (hope, faith, love, peace) and breathe out negative energy that is not serving you. Be mindful of the power of self-fulfilling prophecy. Catch yourself before making passive-aggressive or self-deprecating statements. To help with this, before speaking, ask yourself three things:

• “Is what I’m about to say kind to myself and others?”
• “Is what I’m about to say necessary?”
• “Is what I’m about to say true?”

1. Practice gratitude. One of the most effective strategies for shifting emotions from negative to positive is to practice gratitude. Research shows that gratitude is foundational to well-being and mental health throughout your entire life. When your mind focuses on the dark, shift your thoughts to gratitude. Look for the blessings and the good part in any situation and for all that is well in your life.

1. Zoom out for greater perspective. Understand that this moment in time is a blip across your whole lifespan. Your friends may be at different points in their trajectories but your life is unfolding exactly as it should. Adopt a growth mindset and view setbacks such as a breakup or an extended period of being single as opportunities for growth and learning. By doing so, you can become an even better version of yourself and attract a partner even more deserving of your love and affection.

By simply shifting your mindset and focusing on the positives in your life, you can be genuinely happy for the bride. Being single doesn't mean you have less value and that you will never find love. A recent study compared the behaviors and the happiness of married and unmarried people. It found that unmarried people have a unique advantage: They are more active socially, which means they’re sometimes even happier than their married counterparts. And even better news: Single people have higher social capital, which is positively correlated with higher happiness.

By being sincerely happy for the bride, you are showing her support during a significant life event and setting an example for yourself of positivity and gratitude. Reflect on what you are grateful for, focus on your self-growth and be genuinely happy for the bride. After all, her happiness does not take away from your own. You are always responsible for your own happiness.

If you still have challenges dealing with your emotions, consider counseling or therapy.