Do You Equate Security With Material Belongings?

If you have ever stood in a crowded room or closet, thinking that you have too much stuff, you are not alone. And yet losing your belongings to a natural disaster, or even thinking you might lose them can be incredibly stressful. The conservation of resources theory developed by psychologist Steven Hobfoll suggests that resources and stress are intimately related. We acquire things, skills, and friends because they can help us withstand threats to our lives or challenges to our well-being, but stress typically stems from the loss (or even threatened loss) of those resources.

This theory essentially defines three types of resources. Belongings are the material things need to survive and thrive in the physical world. Our personal skills, abilities, and attributes enable us to navigate the world and define who we are as individual Human Beings. Lastly, our social connections and sense of Belonging provide us with both psychological and tangible support. While this division makes sense, in our complex, information-rich, technologically interconnected world it has become difficult for many of us to find a meaningful balance between these three factors. We often feel we have to choose one category over the others, but doing so is rarely satisfying. Why do we experience this conflict and what can we do about it?

Belongings: Throughout most of human history people struggled to accumulate the resources they needed to feed and protect their families. But with the advent of modern industrialization, transportation, and communication we now find ourselves in a quandary created by our consumer-driven economy. Advertisers spend millions of dollars trying to convince us that happiness and our social standing are a function of what we own. At the same time other influencers, academics, home decorators, and media figures spend a great deal of time telling us that unless we purge everything we don’t use or love from our homes and lives, we risk becoming socially and environmentally insensitive hoarders.

Another variant of this theme is the assertion that we should stop collecting things so we can spend our time “making memories.” Never mind that our memories are fickle, and we often need reminders in the form of pictures or physical items, to recall past experiences. Taken together these messages imply that we should be generous purchasers who build for the future, impress our social circle with our belongings, and use our resources to pursue meaningful experiences while simultaneously becoming functional minimalists who live in the moment and try not to leave a material footprint on the world around us. The reality is that tangible resources do make our lives safer and more pleasant, but there is great variation in what and how many belongings an individual needs to be comfortable.

Being: Personal resources include both innate abilities like running fast, excelling at math, or being empathic, and skills we acquire through experience and education. Within cultures, subsets of skills are valued above others and are rewarded by increased access to resources or the money necessary to acquire them. Consequently, people are willing to spend years learning to become star athletes, physicians, writers, or welders, so they can use those skills to accumulate both tangible and social resources. When we don’t feel that others value our skills, it is demoralizing. If economic, social, medical, or other factors impede our personal abilities the loss can feel as real as the loss of tangible items. If we spend all our time looking backward or worrying forward, we fail to value or enjoy the present, to our own detriment.

Belonging: The third category of resources involves our social skills and connections. Social support is essential for our well-being. Throughout history, humans have lived in social groups that pool resources and share skills to survive. This means that we benefit from being able to do things that other people value both economically and psychologically. It is not surprising then, that feeling connected to others and having a sense of belonging activates reinforcement circuits in our brains and motivates us to continue to seek further acceptance and support. Essentially, our social capital supports our well-being in the present and serves as a safety net when we experience life circumstances that eliminate or reduce our resources.

Balance: How do we navigate the competing pressures to accumulate tangible and psychological resources as a sign of our worth and to hedge against future threats, while simultaneously focusing on what we do, not what we own, and on building strong social connections? There is no easy answer. In addition to being surrounded by an unprecedented advertising juggernaut, we also face a relentless stream of negative news generated to fill our 24-hour news cycles. This constant diet of negative information, conveyed in sensational ways to capture our attention can make us feel as though catastrophe is around every corner. It’s not surprising then that many of us surround ourselves with things that provide insurance against future loss and bolster our social status. Of course, spending beyond your means, hoarding out of fear, or using things to intimidate or impress others is not likely to bring us lasting happiness. Understanding what you need to feel safe, and comfortable is both more rewarding and likely to succeed.

When it comes to accumulating personal and social resources, the key is figuring out what you need. The easiest way to build personal skills is to identify the things you are good at and care about and then focus on developing and using those skills to support yourself and help others. Likewise, it is important to determine what your optimal level of social support is and then work to build and maintain that network. If you are an introvert your needs will vary from an extrovert but the key is to have people you can count on when you need them and who count on you as well since helping others is good for our own mental health.

The bottom line: The next time you find yourself buffeted by conflicting messages about what to buy, store, save, or purge spend some time thinking about what the things in your life mean to you, whether you are managing them or they are managing you, and how you might enhance your personal and social resources to promote your well-being now and in the future. What you don’t have to do is buy into the false assumption that you have to choose between belongings, being, and belonging. We may not be able to access them all at the same time, but we can seek a balance that works for us.