How Adaptations to Childhood Trauma Can Become Your Kryptonite

Part 3 of a three-part series.

In our last post, we explored how childhood trauma adaptations, originally rooted in attempts to cope with painful early experiences, could have developed qualities and characteristics in us that have served us well academically, professionally, and financially.

In this final post, we will explore how these adaptations can also become like Kryptonite, how we can begin to discern when and how this is happening, and then seek out the right kind of support to “reduce the Kryptonite.”

Childhood trauma adaptations as proverbial Kryptonite.

As we discussed previously, childhood trauma adaptations may morph into strengths or "superpowers."

But their flip side can act as "Kryptonite," undermining our adult lives when the context that necessitated these adaptations has passed, and the adaptations are now running us on autopilot.

Let’s illustrate this with examples from the adaptations we’ve used previously.

Hypervigilance may serve well in high-stakes environments requiring acute awareness. Yet, in everyday settings, this constant alertness can lead to burnout, stress-related illnesses, or strained personal relationships due to perceived overreaction to minor threats (perceived or actual).

People-pleasing behavior, while fostering harmonious relationships, can also lead to a loss of personal identity and boundaries. In professional settings, this might manifest as difficulty in saying no, leading to overcommitment and burnout.

Dissociation, valuable for creative endeavors, can become problematic when it impairs one’s ability to stay present in conversations or situations, impacting personal and professional relationships. Detachment from reality can hinder emotional connections with others and oneself, leading to isolation, not to mention a host of disorienting experiences from a lack of being personified and presented.

Emotional numbing protects against pain but also dulls joy and satisfaction, making personal connections challenging. This can translate into a lack of passion or drive professionally, affecting career advancement and satisfaction.

Another reframe that hits home for me: perfectionism may drive high achievement but at the cost of never feeling "good enough," leading to chronic stress, anxiety, and mental health issues.

Also, and I relate to this one, too, control-seeking behaviors provide a sense of security but can manifest as rigidity or micromanagement in professional settings, stifling creativity and flexibility. Relationally, on the home front, this need for control can lead to conflicts and sometimes a lack of genuine, reciprocal relationships.

Impulsivity, while enabling quick decision-making, can also result in rash decisions with long-term negative consequences, especially financially or professionally. The lack of foresight can undermine financial stability and professional reputation.

Finally, avoidance can reduce stress but limits personal growth and problem-solving capabilities. Professionally, it can lead to missed opportunities due to the fear of facing challenging situations. Relationally, it prevents the deepening of connections, as difficult conversations are necessary for growth.

Obviously, there is a “flip side of the coin” to what we can view as our adaptation superpowers.

On the flip side, these adaptations can also become our proverbial Kryptonite if we’re not mindful of them and attempt to manage them.

So how do we know when our superpowers are becoming Kryptonite?

First, understand that no one is telling you to eliminate this superpower/Kryptonite quality fully; I certainly am not.

Your adaptations served you well in childhood and likely left you with gifts as an adult.

But recognizing when they may be getting in your way as an adult is critical for your well-being now.

How do we start to discern when our superpower is becoming our Kryptonite and flex some choice around it?

It boils down to self-compassion, mindfulness, and good trauma therapy.

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First, let’s have so much compassion for our childhood selves who, in all our drive to survive, formed an adaptation that got us through and maybe out of that painful early environment.

Couple this self-compassion with mindfulness about what role that adaptation is currently having in your life by asking the following:

• Does this adaptation now serve my well-being and growth, or is it a reactive pattern to past trauma?
• Am I using this adaptation to avoid feeling or dealing with difficult emotions?
• How does this adaptation affect my relationships with loved ones, colleagues, and friends?
• Do I feel like I have control over this adaptation, or does it control me?
• How do I feel after engaging in this adaptation—empowered or drained?
• What would happen if I let go of this adaptation (or, at the very least, reduced it by like 50%)?
• How do others react to this adaptation? Is it bringing me closer to or pushing me away from the people I care about?

Reflecting on these prompts can help you discern if your superpower has morphed into a proverbial form of Kryptonite that you need to get a handle on.

And then, if you do decide you need to get a handle on it, that’s when we seek out therapy.

Trauma Therapy Reduces the Kryptonite

When we look at the ways we've adapted to childhood trauma, it's essential to understand that these adaptations are like double-edged swords, both adaptive and maladaptive.

Our childhood trauma adaptations were beneficial during difficult times in childhood, but as adults, they can sometimes get in the way.

The goal of trauma therapy, especially with methods like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), is to help us process past experiences so that they don't control our reactions in the present.

EMDR therapy can help change how we react to memories of trauma, making them less overwhelming and allowing us to respond to current situations more appropriately.

It's not about forgetting the past but about changing how it affects us now.

It’s not about getting rid of our superpower but cultivating choice about how we flex it so it doesn’t run our lives.

This doesn't mean losing our ability to be vigilant or empathetic; it means choosing when and how to use these abilities rather than letting them take over.

This ability to choose is key to using our eye movement desensitization and reprocessing adaptations positively in our adult lives and giving ourselves a better chance at having a beautiful adulthood despite our adverse early beginnings.