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- According to one philosopher, an anxious state of mind arises when we find ourselves close to discovering something important about our own existence.
- In some cases, anxiety signals to us that we need to grow in a direction that feels very scary yet inevitable.
- Some forms of anxiety, however, distract us from our true desires and fears. Instead of making the changes we need in our lives, we deflect our anxiety into meaningless yet soothing habits.
- When feeling anxious, taking a moment to find the reasonable midpoint between two extreme scenarios can help us better understand the true drivers of our anxiety.
Nobody wants to live life in anxiety. Joy, serenity, and peace are, on average, a much better choice than apprehensive uneasiness. But is it really possible to live an anxiety-free life? Is anxiety a state of mind to avoid at all costs?
The Constructive Side of Anxiety
The etymology of the word anxiety comes from the Latin verb "ango," which means to choke or suffocate. When we are anxious, our thoughts stop being linear, our body becomes less functional, and our daily life becomes foggier. According to Seneca, the counter effects of this metaphorical suffocation make us incapable of focusing on the present. In this anxious state of mind, we are caught in loops of thoughts that rarely help us to stay in the moment because they keep us in an endless circle that does not provide any solution to an often invisible problem.
In their philosophical writings, Kierkegaard, Heidegger, and Lacan point to a definition of anxiety that I find useful and even reassuring. Simply put, Kierkegaard considers anxiety as a state of mind that stems from an unfocused fear. Similar to him, Lacan views anxiety as a reaction to a danger that has to be avoided at all costs.
What is reassuring in these definitions? Fear is a powerful indication of desires. Hence, where there is fear, there’s a route to see if we get lost. I think that fears tell us something important about ourselves. If a particular fear is not an immediate, reasonable threat to one’s own life, it intimates our deep core to a direction that is very challenging to take. Fears can lead us to a place of exploration and expansion.
In that sense, Heidegger’s definition of anxiety seems to give reason to this interpretation of the balance between fears and desires. For him, in fact, anxiety is the mood that arises around our sense of fear that reflects an existential revelation about our own being. The anxious state of mind arises because we find ourselves close to discovering something important about our own existence. A revelatory meaning is about to unfold to us when we go through a period of intense anxiety.
Hence, to me, anxiety is a dance between fear and desire that takes place in the rooms of our existence to show us meanings that are still unknown to us.
When we feel anxious—and I am not talking about chronic anxiety here—there’s often an unfocused fear and desire that knocks at the door of our existence and waits for us to answer it. Anxiety is our life demanding us to grow in a direction that feels very scary and yet inevitable to us. Trying to avoid this growth would likely make our anxiety worse, and it might even lead to paralyzing effects. Compassionately accepting the challenge and exploring with caution—this is what this call demands from us. This is generally the best way to start working with it.
The Unproductive Form of Anxiety
As we grow, though, we need to learn from our anxiety and recognize the different forms in which it manifests. While anxiety can bring meaning to our life because it points to aspects of our existence that are intrinsically true and we are likely afraid to explore, there is another form of anxiety that likes to keep us busy. I will explain myself. Since coming in contact with our own desires, with the deepest meanings of our life being upsetting at times, it might happen that another form of distracting anxiety arises to replace the "good anxiety." The obsessive anxiety that keeps us busy with circular and undermining thoughts—such as checking the keys in your bag for an innumerable amount of times, over-worrying about the well-being of loved ones, using mind-alternating substances, like alcohol or drugs, to silence one’s own thoughts—induces in us a state that is very similar to a productive form of anxiety but that is purposeless in its direction.
With this latter form of obsessive anxiety, the body tricks itself by showing you that you are taking care of that fear and obstacles and you are in an alerted mode. However, in fact, you are not facing that fear because you moved the target toward something you can control to a certain extent (the key in your purse, your daughter’s behaviors, your consumption of food, etc).
This kind of obsessive anxiety keeps us away from our true desires and fears. It might be with us forever because we are not listening to the actual change that life is asking us to go through, which is deflected by meaningless yet soothing habits. So, endlessly checking if we have the keys in our purse might keep us sufficiently busy to avoid answering more meaningful questions, such as, "Do I still want to live here?"; "Am I happy with this life?"; "Do I love this woman?"; etc.
An Exercise to Help You See What's Behind Your Anxiety
A philosophical exercise I encourage my clients to do is create what I call "The Golden Mean Journal." When one feels trapped in a loop of thoughts, it might be helpful to focus on its true content and do a run-through of two opposite scenarios of that thought—a positive and a negative one.
Generally, anxiety leads to depicting very unlikely scenarios; hence, I ask you to leave the scenarios there, do something practical outside—reach out to a friend, take care of your garden, listen to a song you love. This will increase your good energy. Then come back to the journal and individuate the golden mean between the two extremes. What is the via media between the two opposite scenarios? Think of the most likely mid-way between the two extremes. Appeal to your common sense and try to see what the most plausible outcome between the two extreme scenarios truly is.
For example, you are caught in an anxiety loop concerning work. One negative scenario would show: “If I do not hand in this report by tomorrow, I will get fired.” The opposite scenario would say: “If I do not hand in this report by tomorrow, nobody will notice.” The reasonable via media between the two would be that people will be unhappy about the missing report and you might have to apologize to some of them. Yet, the world will still be standing there after the event and you will still be alive.
If repeated, this exercise might help you see the true content of your generalized anxiety and to recognize patterns behind your distracting anxiety so that you can see the fear and desires behind your behavior. Also, it might reinforce the trust that you need to put in yourself and in the actions you’re going to take as you commit to a change that feels necessary in your life.
Hopefully, the fulfillment of your desires is right behind this anxious moment of impasse.
