Getting Back Out There: People I Met in the Past 24 Hours

“Different strokes for different folks,” sang Sly Stone back in the day. “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world,” crooned Barbara Streisand. “Infinite diversity in infinite combinations,” intoned a Vulcan philosopher on Star Trek. What do these quotes share? That we are all located on various spectra and have a multitude of characteristics that make us uniquely who we are, and we all react a little differently to things like a pandemic.

Source: Justin Luebke/Unsplash

Some folks are immunocompromised and/or less mobile and cannot or couldn’t risk exposure or navigate stairs, and have wisely stayed home these past three years. Others readily identify as highly extraverted, defining themselves by who they’re with and the things they do on a daily basis; they felt themselves ceasing to exist during the peaks of COVID. Others stayed the course more easily, reading, writing, and attending Zoom meetings from the safety of their homes. But as I am frequently reminded, it’s not just this or that or a binary code.

Still other people—let’s call them gregarious, enthusiastic introverts—deeply relish staying home but also miss having flashes of frenetic social engagement for minutes or hours with specific humans who really get them (and then must go home to recharge, or they turn into a pumpkin at midnight). In sum, the struggle has been and, for some, continues to be real. And loneliness and isolation can be major factors in physical and mental health (Fan et al., 2023).

In the past week, I attended a high school reunion (click here) and the first in-person conference of a family therapy organization in four years. I had fun at both events, but my attendance was by no means inevitable. It took a commitment and pushing back on the second-guessing and concerns about going. One regular conference attendee didn’t attend because she came down with the coronavirus, reminding us we are peri- not post-COVID. Here are three encounters I had in the past 24 hours that represent the sorts of experiences one could miss by staying home.

Birthday beverages

Saturday night, I went to a bar to meet a friend. We’d attended a board meeting on my birthday, and this was a follow-up to the absence of a celebration on that day. As usual, we picked up where we left off with some seriously challenging analyses, absurdist and candid observations, spontaneous hilarity, and tearful remembrance of loved ones who’d died since we last met. It was a veritable full monty of emotional expression, as always.

But it almost didn’t happen. We were in our respective rooms at the hotel, hiding and contemplating sleep. One of us texted, “One shot?” and the other said, “See you in five.” (Note: This sort of invitation is probably fine in most cases. However, as a rule, never send or reply to the text “You up?”).

Communicating past a language barrier

My flight back from the conference was delayed two hours for lack of a second pilot. On the plane, the English proficiency of the woman from Republica Domenica to my left was about as good as my Spanish (virtually nonexistent), but we didn’t let that stop us. We jumped in with both feet, and I caught her up on what was happening and when she could expect to arrive in Boston. She indicated she was very excited about the prospect of seeing family there. When we arrived at 2 a.m. and were standing at the baggage claim, she smiled, hugged me, and said, “Bye, my love.” Surprising but wonderful.

Communing around themes of distance and diaspora

Travel and experiencing other cultures can be a great experience. I have lived overseas, and I know the excitement of being in another world and also missing those far way back home. When I exited baggage claim, I walked to the taxi stand, and a man from Nigeria kindly accommodated me in the front seat of his cab (I didn’t fit in the back seat) and proceeded to share a traditional form of Nigerian music written and performed to honor his family so many thousands of miles away.

As we traveled across town, he enthusiastically explained the different parts of the composition. “The singer—this is high-life music—he’s talking about me now.” Sure enough, the Nigerian vocalist sang the words “Boston, Massachusetts.” “Now he’s talking about my brother. He’s a pharmacist. I lift you up, my brother!” I was so moved by the poignancy of this moment and the openness and warmth the cabbie expressed that I didn’t feel the least bit tired as we pulled into the driveway at 2:30 a.m.

Anxiety Essential Reads

Helping Children with Performance Anxiety

How I Quickly Stopped a Panic Attack

For those able-bodied, non-immune-compromised individuals out there who are intimately familiar with a profound ambivalence about getting back outside, please feel seen. For persons mildly to severely agoraphobic, I do understand the anxiety, the dynamics of approach-avoidance—right there in the doorway sometimes—and the logistics involved in considering any venture outside.

A few suggestions: Be selective about who you meet up with and speak to. Wear a high-quality mask as needed. Have a set of effective coping strategies ready to go should you begin to feel panic. And here is a source of motivation: After his day off, Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”