Self-Deception Is a Slippery Slope

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Self-deception can hurt the one who is in denial, and others. It can come across as being willfully obstinate, not caring about the people around them.

Sometimes, it seems that the person deceiving themselves actually believes the deception.

Self-deception is so common that we often have euphemistic phrases for it. We say people have wishful thinking, bury their heads in the sand, or are drinking their own Kool-Aid.

Here are some examples:

• Doctors who won’t retire even though they are making more and more mistakes in the operating room.
• Mom or Pop may continue to insist that they are capable drivers, even as the fender-benders are piling up.
• Some individuals refuse to believe a doctor’s diagnosis or follow instructions for mitigating the condition.
• People may be very measured in what they consume in front of others but binge (or drink, or smoke) when no one is watching.

Why do we deceive ourselves?

Many times, as shown in the examples above, the deception doesn’t help anyone. And, yet, it is a pervasive phenomenon. There must be a reason that we have evolved that way. What could have been the advantage back when humans were just getting started, and what can be the advantage now?

Research tells us that, very early on, we humans realized that we needed each other in the pursuit of resources. We formed alliances, groups, and communities. Hierarchies and status within the group became important. Following on from that, humans needed to be able to figure out if a peer was a friend or foe.

According to Simler and Hanson in their recent book, The Elephant in the Brain, we needed to perceive another person’s motive and to read people. The ability to pass judgment on another person became an important skill.

At the same time, it was useful to appear to others that we had good intentions so that we could remain in good standing and be accepted by the group.

The basic thesis in The Elephant in the Brain is that self-deception allows the person to reap the benefits of selfish behavior while seeming to be unselfish to others. Taking it a step further, it is possible to hide our own selfish motives from ourselves. In doing so, we can maintain a certain self-image. This can lead to believing our own lies.

Self-deception can impact our health.

Simler and Hanson indicate that a plethora of studies have shown that “…we often distort or ignore critical information about our health in order to seem healthier than we really are.”

Some very common everyday occurrences relating to health can illustrate this:

• Research shows again and again that people underreport what they eat and overreport how much they exercise.
• People will tell themselves and others that they only had one thing for lunch (like a yogurt), when, in fact, several items were consumed along with it.
• Self-deception can partially explain what is going on when we are in social situations and find ourselves eating more than usual, and more junk food. No one wants to lose face or not be part of the gang. To rationalize it, the person may say to themselves that the occasion is special, and needs to be properly celebrated.
• Many health programs start by asking people to write down everything they eat in a day and keep track of how much they move. Often they are shocked to discover what they are really doing.

There are a couple of potentially serious health consequences that can arise from these kinds of self-deception:

• Self-deceptions can lead to suboptimal decision-making. This may go on for years, affecting a person’s health over time.
• Self-deceptions can shut down a crucial learning experience, which can actually end up being life-threatening.

What’s the answer?

As with anything that goes on with our brains and bodies, the answer is very complex and nuanced. Here are a few things that can help:

• Communicate with the person in denial in such a way as to help them keep their dignity and their self-image.
• Ask questions that perhaps the person has not considered before. Get them to think differently, if possible.
• On a personal level, can we stop worrying about what others think of us? Probably not! But, we can try to catch it and ask ourselves if it really matters.

Deception Essential Reads

Understanding the Private-to-Public Filter

How Lies Get Under Your Skin

Self-deception is something that all of us have to work with, one way or another. It is not going away. As we become more aware of where it comes from, we can become less judgmental of others, and maybe even ourselves.