3 Ways to Give Year-End Stress the Heave-Ho

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With only a few shopping days left until Christmas and the final day of Hanukkah, work deadlines looming, and myriad obligatory holiday gatherings, we may be feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed right now. These feelings tend to go together like freshly baked cookies and milk this time of year. In fact, we may have come to expect to feel this way and believe it to be part and parcel of the holiday season.

However, it doesn’t have to be. We don’t need to feel helpless and succumb to the hustle and bustle of the holidays. After all, Christmas and Hannukah are about miracles and are meant to be joyful celebrations.

We don’t need to buy into the commercial message of manic shopping and burning the midnight oil in a mad attempt to check everything off our to-do list and seek perfection. Instead, it’s useful to stop and ask us ourselves what the ultimate purpose is for doing so. Is it a habit that we’ve just come to accept? And is it helping or hurting us?

After reflecting a bit on our actions, we may realize that engaging in these types of behaviors isn’t productive and has no long-term benefits. Rather, these unhealthy habits are more likely to leave us physically and mentally exhausted, which in turn may lead us to obsess, emote, and spew negativity— behaviors that make us and our loved ones feel bad.

The good news is we can make better choices. Try cultivating the following healthy habits to help ward off stress and better navigate the holidays:

Seek to satisfice, rather than maximize.

Instead of running yourself ragged searching for that perfect gift or obsessing over every detail decorating your home to mimic a page out of a top design magazine, accept “good enough” in these situations. Research by social psychologist Barry Schwartz has found that the energy we spend “maximizing” in certain domains of our lives may take a toll on our psychological health. In a world of endless choices, we are often less productive because we spend so much time making so many decisions. Additionally, Schwartz explains we often experience “paralysis by analysis.” We are literally rendered helpless due to the overwhelm of a multitude of choices. ​​​​​​

While “maximizers” may make some slightly better decisions than “satisficers,” they often feel worse about what they choose and experience heightened stress. Who of us needs any added stress? Realize that in the long run, racing to six stores to search for the perfect shade of green for your holiday wreath will not bring you any lasting joy. Instead, it will drain you of energy and meaningful time connecting with your loved ones. Heed Schwartz’s advice to spend more time making choices only about the things that matter most in life.

Disclose factually, rather than emotively, with others how you’re feeling.

Many of us are in a desperate dash to complete that final work project before leaving for the holidays. We may be feeling more pressure than usual to get a lot more done in less time. When feeling negative emotions, remember to communicate with words how you’re feeling rather than erupting emotionally. For example, if you had a lousy day at work or are underwhelmed by a colleague’s presentation, rather than erupting in anger or expressing your frustration with eye rolls and negative comments, explain to them factually what is bothering you.

And take time to share not just autobiographical information about yourself at work but your emotional state as well. The latest research by University of Pennsylvania researcher Veru Ludwig and colleagues found that verbally disclosing emotions (positive and negative) increased feelings of closeness more than only disclosing autobiographical information. Remember also to respond well to these types of disclosures from your colleagues in the office by actively listening and showing support. While research has yet to be conducted on what impact the response to disclosures at work has on well-being, we surmise that (like our responses to personal disclosures in intimate relationships) it’s a positive one since we all want to feel heard and understood.

Spread positive emotions broadly and limit negative emotions to a trusted friend.

All emotions are contagious—the good ones as well as the unpleasant ones. Make it a habit to only spread what you’d like to catch. This doesn’t mean ignoring or suppressing negative emotions, which can lead to deeper issues. Instead, seek out a close confidante with whom you can share your woes or worry. Unlike venting to everyone in our vicinity, a one-on-one conversation is a more beneficial way of managing our negative emotions. Even if we don’t resolve what is bothering us, simply having a supportive friend actively listening to you can help you feel understood and valued, a deep human need we all have. And doing so with one person ensures that we are not spreading the negativity to everyone around us. In contrast, we should make it a habit to share positive emotions broadly so we can spread them to everyone.

In sum, let’s do our best to spread and catch holiday cheer rather than spreading stress. No one wants to be perceived as, or exposed to, a grinch or bah-humbug. While this time of year can be challenging, with some greater self-awareness and more deliberate choices, we can all learn how to better navigate the holidays, making them a bit more manageable—and maybe even magical— for ourselves and our loved ones.