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Making big changes in our lives can be a scary thing to consider. It is so much easier not to change. The possibility of being happy in a different situation is often outweighed by the relief of staying put and not having to deal. It’s situations like this that can lead to us feeling stuck.
And it’s not just dealing with change we’re talking about here. It’s also the kinds of lives people lead as they avoid change. How much unhappiness are we willing to accept in our lives in order to avoid having to make big changes?
What does it mean to feel stuck? It usually means we’re unhappy with the way things are, but we don’t see anything changing anytime soon. It’s like we’re hiking on a path in a forest. The path is worn and clear, and all around us the forest is thick and overgrown, so the easiest way forward is this path we‘re already on. But this path sort of sucks. It’s got lots of roots to stumble over, it seems to be always going uphill, there are muddy spots we get stuck in, and we can never see quite far enough ahead to know where we’re going. Even though we don’t like this path, there seems to be no other alternative. It’s our only option.
At least it appears to be our only option. It’s not impossible to get off this path and find a new one. It can be difficult and scary, but not impossible. The forest around us is thick and menacing, overgrown and mysterious. We don’t know what’s out there. But the path is safe and familiar. Our instinct is to stay on the path and be safe.
But let’s zoom out and take a look at ourselves from a Google Earth point of view. From up in the sky we can see ourselves as an ant-sized speck moving slowly along a path through the jungle. From this new vantage point, we can see the things around us that we can’t see from down there. We might see that our current path is headed towards a dead end, or it might be headed towards a beautiful meadow. There might be a pleasant oasis hidden alongside the path that we never see. We might think we’re all alone but in reality, right next to us are other people following their own paths, never realizing we’re all so close together.
From up here it would be great to be able to give ourselves direction. To tell ourselves to take our machetes and hack ourselves a new path just to the right, where we’ll find a wonderful new trail that’s peaceful, paved, pleasant, and inviting. Or do the hard work to create a new trail to your left, and our trail will connect with that of another person whom we would love to hike alongside. Or decide to take a detour, because the direction we’re currently going in leads to a dead end. Or stop for a minute and check our compass to confirm our direction, because it turns out this whole time we’ve been going in circles.
Unfortunately, we’ll never get this kind of guidance down here on the ground. We’ll never know what lies ahead, or alongside, or around us in the jungle of life. It’s up to us to explore, but many of us don’t. Many of us go through life valuing the safety of the path more than the chance for greater happiness on an unknown path. But what if we choose to explore?
If we do choose to go off the path, to put in the hard work to hack through the jungle in search of some new way, we have to be prepared to fail. We might end up at a dead end, or looking over an impassable gorge, or even circle around to find ourselves back on the original path.
I think it’s worth the risk, though—especially since the path we are on can get more and more unfriendly. It can become much harder to navigate as we go on, getting narrower, steeper, rockier, darker, more and more unpleasant. Sometimes this happens quickly and clearly, and sometimes this happens so slowly that we don’t immediately notice. Either way, oftentimes times we will find ourselves unhappy with our path in life, to the point where it becomes more desirable to blaze a trail into the jungle in search of a new path.
So grip your machete tightly and swing away at the jungle! This can mean changing careers, moving to a new place, ending a romantic relationship, starting a family, dying your hair—all those life events both big and small that can result in a new direction, in change. If things don’t work out, take some time to go back to your original path and then strike out again. Or forget about the old path, and stumble along through the wilderness until you find another one.
You can take your own advice now, imagining yourself looking down from above, knowing that somewhere in your future is a better path, a happier place. You might not be able to see it now, but it’s out there somewhere, and you have the power to find it.
