What a Startup Founder Needs to Know About Emotions

I’m back to being a full-time startup founder, and the job never disappoints.

A founder’s life is infamous for being stressful. Every day is a race to achieve product-market fit before the company runs out of cash. Startups need to build a product that people want to buy, and then find enough people to actually buy it, so that the company can pay its bills and stay in business.

Source: Photo by Andy Hermawan on Unsplash

Or, as Reid Hoffman, the co-founder of LinkedIn put it: “An entrepreneur is someone who will jump off a cliff and assemble an airplane on the way down.”

Starting a company is also an emotional roller coaster: the highs are high and the lows are low. It's hard not to take it personally when an investor cancels a phone call, or a potential client decides to “go forward with another option” after a product presentation.

CEOs also tend to take on too much work, inevitably isolating themselves from others. Loneliness is as real as self-doubt, and neither of those make for a healthy mind. So what’s a founder to do if they want to succeed?

Home alone

“If I’m going to play tennis, the loneliest sport, then I’m sure as hell going to surround myself with as many people as I can off the court. And each person will have his specific role. Perry will help with my disordered thoughts. J.P. will help with my troubled soul. Nick will help with the basics of my game. Philly will help with details, arrangements, and always have my back.” – former tennis champion Andre Agassi in his autobiography, “Open”

Work-related stress is not unique to startups, but running a business often brings out an all-or-nothing mentality in people, many of whom end up spending all their time at work, isolating themselves, and shutting out their support system.

Founders also need to try to strike a balance between work and self-care, and maintain relationships both personal and professional. It’s easier said than done, especially when some founders are flying solo.

Coping strategies

In 1984, Lazarus and Folkman, two pioneers in stress research, suggested that there are two types of coping responses:

1. Problem-focused, where someone tries to identify the root causes of their stress and find a direct solution to the problem.
2. Emotion-focused, where someone tries to reduce the anxiety and negative emotions following an encounter with a stressor. Think of common strategies, such as meditation and journaling, as well as unhealthy options, such as drugs and alcohol.

Of course, if there’s no real solution to the problem, then people have to resort to emotion-focused coping mechanisms anyway. But, research also shows that both context and individual differences have an influence on which strategy someone chooses in a situation. For example, some people might use emotion-focused strategies in private matters, even if a problem-focused solution is available.

In 1993, E. Holly Buttner and Nur Gryskiewicz found that entrepreneurs who used more adaptive problem-solving strategies remained in business longer than their less adaptive colleagues. The more business experience entrepreneurs have, the more they tend to look for solutions to problems rather than resorting to emotion-focused coping mechanisms.

Making work work

Without entrepreneurs, new innovations wouldn’t hit the market, and life would become boring. The world needs founders and people who push boundaries.

Being an entrepreneur is not an easy ride, however. In the U.S., out of all the businesses that started in 2016, close to half, as of 2021, have already failed. Founders need to embrace the fact that they are not particularly likely to succeed.

Companies are a marathon and not a sprint. Startup people often live life with a “time is money” mentality, and startups certainly provide an endless amount of work. A key is to prepare for a sustained effort. Founders, too, need to schedule time off and set aside time for self-care and for their support system. Adjusting goals is not a weakness, it’s the only way to make work work.

Career Essential Reads

How to Cope With Not Receiving Recognition

Mind the Gap: Bridging the Intergenerational Divide at Work

After my first attempt at running a business, some 20 years ago, I learned to follow Andre Agassi’s rule and surround myself with people. My personal routine involves weekly check-ins with three mentors who help with different aspects of the business. Others have found mastermind groups helpful. Talking to mentors and peers is helpful to fight loneliness, and can help separate the signal from the noise.

Your mileage may vary, but even if work is your passion, working seven days a week for sustained periods rarely does your health any good. Consider setting time aside for self-care and for your support system.