Do Our Partner Preferences Change Over Time?

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New research by Driebe et al. (2023) published last week in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that some of our preferences for ideal partners change over time while others stay stable.

Lead researcher Julie Driebe, of the University of Goettingen in Germany, and colleagues explored whether our preferences for the traits of an ideal partner might change over a long period. The authors expected that some of our trait preferences might change over time while others would likely stay stable. For example, the researchers believed that the preference for attractiveness might be particularly important during the stage when people are actively looking for a mate, while the preference for financial resources might be more important during the stage when individuals or couples become parents. They also proposed that the preference for a warm or trustworthy partner should stay stable over time.

Methodology

To assess the stability of mate preferences, the authors recontacted individuals who had participated in a study of ideal partner preferences (the Berlin Speed Dating Study) in 2006 and re-assessed their ideal partner preferences approximately 13 years later (around 2019). Despite the long period between responses, the researchers were able to collect data at both time points from 204 participants (104 women and 100 men).

The sample was limited to those who reported a heterosexual orientation at both time points. In 2006, at the time of the first data collection, no participants were in romantic relationships. In the second wave of data collection, 64 percent of participants reported being in a romantic relationship. The respondents rated 58 ideal partner characteristics (e.g., kind, trustworthy, attractive, intelligent, financially secure, good sense of humor, adventurous, wish for children) for their importance in a potential partner for a long-term relationship.

Results

The authors found that individual preferences for warmth/trustworthiness, status/resources, and adventurousness/confidence were very stable over the 13-year period for both men and women. Across the sample, participants tended to consider warmth/trustworthiness and status/resources as more important over time and vitality/attractiveness as less important over time, potentially signaling a shift to the preference for long-term committed relationships.

When considering age, the preference for a family-oriented partner increased over time, especially for younger participants. The preference for attractiveness, humor, and intelligence decreased over time, especially for older participants. Furthermore, participants were increasingly likely to rate status/resources as more important when they had children (rather than no children). Participants with children were more likely to value humor over time as well. Consistent with previous studies, women identified status/resources and intelligence as more important than men, while men rated vitality/attractiveness as more important than women.

Participants not only reported their preferences, but they also reported how much they believed their preferences had changed or remained stable. The researchers found that although participants accurately perceived that their preference for a family-oriented partner had increased and their preference for an attractive partner had decreased, they did not accurately perceive that their preferences for an intelligent partner or a partner with financial resources had changed. For example, participants rated a partner with good resources as more important over time but believed they valued this trait less over time.

Conclusions and Future Research

The authors concluded that our relative preferences for some traits versus others are very stable, even over long periods. The authors also determined that the transition to parenthood shifted participants’ preferences versus those who did not become parents, especially for traits related to status/resources.

One strength of this research is its use of a community-based sample; however, the authors acknowledged that the participants were generally well-educated and from Western culture. The researchers highlighted the importance of further research with individuals from diverse educational and cultural backgrounds and research spanning important life events, such as the decision to have children.