How Can People Be So Mean?

Does it seem like people are getting more angry, more impatient, and less tolerant of others? Mass shootings, road rage incidents, and passenger misbehavior on airlines are all on the rise. What is causing this? Research in social psychology may have some of the answers. Here are four possible explanations for the rise in uncivil, and downright mean, behavior.

1. The Culture of Fear. The idea of the culture of fear in America was popularized, in part, by documentary filmmaker, Michael Moore, in his film, Bowling for Columbine. Moore postulates that it is our culture of fear that leads to gun violence and mass shootings, and he contrasts the U.S. with Canada, arguing that Canada doesn’t possess the same culture of fear (and subsequently, less gunplay). Is there any truth to this?

It is clear that fear can trigger the “fight or flight” response. If there is indeed a heightened sense of fear, then it is more likely that people will either avoid (flight) what they fear (e.g., the drop in people deciding to fly after 9/11), but the other response is anger and a triggering of the tendency to “fight.” In either case, fight or flight, people’s reaction when fearful may cause them to either lash out at others or shun them. This is particularly problematic when we consider that people who are unfamiliar and different than us may trigger a natural fear reaction and underlie some of our prejudice and discrimination of people whose skin is a different color or who engage in unfamiliar behaviors.

2. Resentment. Let’s face it. We are a society of haves and have-nots, and the wealth gap is widening every year. Philosopher and leadership scholar Joanne Ciulla (2020) argues that when people feel a sense of inequity they experience the emotion of resentment. This causes them to lash out at those who they feel are privileged. Clearly, resentment is a powerful, and understudied emotion, but it likely plays a big part in why people are mean to one another.

3. Increased Polarization. A very powerful social psychological force is what is known as in-group, out-group bias (also known as the “we-they” feeling, as in “we” are the good guys; “they” are the bad guys). While the we-they feeling creates unity and cohesiveness among in-group members, it leads to vilifying, and sometimes mistreating, out-group members. We see this in our political polarization in the US. While there have always been sides in politics, and accompanying protests against the other side’s practices or policies, we have seen an increase in counterprotests and an escalation in violence. This can hit home as there has been an increase in incivility even in families. How many times have you heard about Thanksgiving arguments when someone brings up politics in a politically-divided family?

4. Social Norms and Standards. One thing that keeps conflict in check is what social psychologists call “shared norms” — or rules that govern our behavior, telling us what is appropriate and socially acceptable, and when we are in violation of those standards. Clearly, the rise of divisive politics has led to an increase in uncivil behavior. Think back a bit and there used to be some standards of decency and decorum in politics. Some political behavior was deemed unacceptable, but the standards have been lowered in recent years, with politicians like Donald Trump seemingly breaking through all of the norms of civility with bullying and name-calling tactics. This sort of behavior in our political leaders has a tendency to make the public feel like it is okay to do the same.

What can be done to decrease the tendency toward meanness and incivility?

The culture of fear is deeply embedded and hard to change, but we should all realize, as FDR said, “we have nothing to fear but fear itself” — at least not usually. We should all try hard to not give in to our emotions and think things through when fear triggers our primitive “fight or flight” response.

Resentment is a tough one, but as society (and hopefully, government) tries to make things more equitable, try to focus on what we have rather than what we don’t.

Psychology tells us that to combat the we-they feeling we need to focus on shared goals — "superordinate" goals that both sides value. We need to realize our commonalities, and focus primarily on similarities and shared purpose rather than differences.

Here’s another post on how we might make things better.