Verified by 
It’s a month before your son Alex’s college graduation. You have booked a hotel room near the university and have planned a celebratory dinner. You are alarmed when Alex calls you sounding distressed.
“Mom, I should have told you this sooner. I’m failing two classes and I won’t be graduating this spring.”
“What happened? You’ve never failed a class before.”
“I feel overwhelmed by everything. I don’t know what I’m doing after college. How am I going to start paying my loans back? I got so anxious I started panicking and failing exams. Now it’s sometimes hard to get out of bed and go to class.”
You recall that Alex had gone to the campus counseling center freshman year as he was feeling depressed and anxious. After a semester of therapy, he seemed to fully recover.
“Alex, how long have you been feeling this way?” you ask.
“Since the start of senior year. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to worry you. I thought I could push my way through.”
You tell Alex, “Tomorrow I want you to go to the campus counseling center and get help. Call me afterwards to let me know how it goes. I want you to be well; graduation can come later.”
As parents, we expect that our college seniors will graduate in four years with a job lined up or graduate school plans, but this is often not the case. In fact, only forty-one percent of students graduate in four years. After graduation, many students will take one or two gap years before going to graduate school. Our children are more likely to follow a winding road than a straight track.
Causes of graduation delays can include a lack of clear plan when entering college, inadequate advising, and changing majors. Financial problems can also play a major role in students taking a break from college or even dropping out. Mental health problems have also been shown to cause slower academic progress in college students.
In my college psychiatry practice, I’ve seen an uptick of students like Alex who face graduation obstacles during their senior year. They get overwhelmed emotionally by the idea of graduation and experience anxiety or depressive symptoms that make it hard to complete their course work. In fact, anxiety and depression are on the rise on college campuses. Of students surveyed, sixty-three percent reported feeling overwhelming anxiety and forty-three percent reported being so depressed it was difficult to function at some point in the last year.
Emotional distress in seniors can be brought on by many different factors. These are some concerns I hear from students:
- I don’t know what I want to do in the future.
- Am I really smart enough to pass this senior level class?
- . I’ll never find a job that will allow me to pay back my loans and pay rent.
- How will I afford my mental health care once I lose access to the university services?
When your student is entering senior year, it is critical that you check in with them about their fears for the future. Speak in a loving, supportive, nonjudgmental way. Be empathetic. At the same time, balance empathy with action. Encourage your child to take steps that will help them successfully cross the college finish line.
1. Academic: If they are struggling in a class, they should go to the professor’s office hours or seek tutoring early in the semester.
2. Career: Make sure they have visited the campus career resource center. A counselor can do a vocational assessment, polish their resume, do a mock interview, and help them look for jobs.
3. Financial: For students who have loans, the Department of Education provides valuable information about loan repayment. For students having trouble securing enough financial aid to graduate, the Department of Education offers important tips. The college financial aid office should also be able to respond to questions and concerns.
4. Mental health: If your children have a mental health condition, ask them if they are meeting regularly with their therapist and/or psychiatric provider. If you notice symptoms of depression or anxiety, encourage them to visit their campus counseling center. Let them know you will work with them to find mental health care post-graduation. Often schools have case managers who can help with this transition.
When I am working with a struggling senior, I will always ask the student if we can talk together with their parents about setting up a plan for wellness and success. I have found that parent involvement – even a weekly check in to remind the student of a therapy appointment or an appointment with an adviser – can facilitate a student moving forward during a difficult time of transition.
Encourage your children to have self-compassion if they fumble or fall. Tell them about a time when your plans went off track and how you got back on course. To quote Winston Churchill, “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
©2019 Marcia Morris, All Rights Reserved.
Details have been altered to protect patient privacy.
