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Key points
- The younger the child, the more difficult it is for them to know if what they are watching is simultaneously happening in their lives.
- To help children handle grim news, decrease their exposure to violent images and be the one to talk to the child about the event.
- One of the best ways to deal with feelings of anxiety, anger, and helplessness is to change passive helplessness into positive action.
It is difficult for adults to see daily news images of people being bombarded and wounded.
Whether or not we were physically there, when we see images of the planes flying into the twin towers on September 11, we avert our eyes – a bit of PTSD.
How much more difficult are scenes of aggression and bodily harm for children. The younger the child, the more difficult it is for them to know that what they are watching is not simultaneously happening in their lives. Older children, who can better understand what the violence is about and where it is happening, may feel upset by the reality that these things do happen, feel distressed about the impact of violence on others, and worry that similar events could happen to them.
Judith Schteingart, a clinical child psychologist in NY and NJ, and Abby Liu, a social work student and former director of communications at the Mustard Seed School in Hoboken, NJ, have offered these insights and suggestions:
Decrease your child’s exposure to violent images.
Watch the news and read newspapers with graphic images of violence and destruction when children are not around. The fewer images they see at home, the better. Limiting your exposure to the news can help you avoid becoming overwhelmed by it.
Be the one to talk to your child about the event.
Start with a simple statement about the event to show that the topic is one you are ready to discuss. How much you say, of course, depends on your child’s age. With a younger child, keep it simple – asking what they have heard about it – and be guided by their questions.
Your school-aged child may learn about the event from teachers or other students. Give them the opportunity to tell you what they know, are thinking about, or have questions about.
It is helpful to give your child the opportunity to express how they feel about the situation. However, it is important not to pressure them if they are reluctant. You can mention how the situation makes you feel to demonstrate that having and sharing feelings is okay.
If the event is local, or it has personal significance, your own feelings may be quite strong. In that case, find a moment when you feel able to moderate your feelings enough to be steady and in control. Should this be difficult, ask another adult close to the child to start the discussion. Telling the child how you and other adults are working to keep safe from such events is important since fears about their own personal safety are often on their mind.
Invite your child to join you in positive actions.
One of the best ways to deal with feelings of anxiety, anger and helplessness is to change passive helplessness into positive action. You can invite your child to join you in taking action. Send a donation, volunteer with an organization working to help, or whatever you and your child find meaningful.
Aside from the current crisis, this will model how your child can overcome feelings of helplessness when difficult things happen in life. Because difficult things will happen, it is crucial to develop the resilience to deal with them.
