How I Cured Myself of Imposter Syndrome

As a shy, wet-behind-the-ears 23-year-old, I once found myself on a date with an urbane man several years my senior. Handsome, well-traveled, and intelligent, he had first-hand experiences akin to things I had only read about in the books I routinely inhaled.

Gazing curiously at him over dinner, I pondered the obvious question: What was he doing with this country bumpkin, a young woman with the thinnest veneer of life experiences?

In my mind’s eye, I was yet unformed and short on real-world knowledge, not to mention too tall with unruly, unfashionable (for the era) hair that defied all attempts to tame it. I was consumed with thoughts of being out of my depth. I was certain I was either “too much” or “not enough.”

I was experiencing a bout of what had recently been identified as imposter syndrome. I sat at that dinner, wondering how I had somehow duped this wonderful man into thinking I was on par.

Taking the situation in hand, I thoughtfully suggested he meet my girlfriend Debbie, who I enthusiastically pitched as both polished and chic. He was greatly surprised and graciously declined. He then proceeded to enumerate what he saw as my many charms: Voracious curiosity, social acuity, literary depth, and passion for life. He apparently even liked my wonky hair.

I recently recalled this long-past event when one of my most exceptional and accomplished friends was rewarded with a spectacular opportunity. Yet he shared with me that he was struggling with imposter syndrome. How was that possible?

Who experiences imposter syndrome?

A recent study revealed that as many as 82 percent of people admit to having imposter syndrome. They feel they are not as talented, qualified, or attractive as others perceive. They fear the proverbial curtain will be pulled back—just as it was in Oz—and they, like the powerful wizard, will be revealed as a fraud.

For some, this feeling occurs episodically; for others, it’s a lifelong burden. The effects of imposter syndrome can be significant, ranging from general anxiety to fear of failure, bouts of depression, and a tendency to avoid risk by playing it safe in both jobs and relationships.

Its prevalence has even given birth to an organization called the Imposter Syndrome Institute, where coaches specialize in helping those who fear the jig will soon be up. While imposter syndrome is not recognized as a mental health condition, the Journal of General Internal Medicine assessed 62 studies. It confirmed it affects students of all ages, cuts across all demographic groups, and is embedded within myriad occupations, including nurses, physicians, managers, teachers, and accountants. It appears few are exempt.

As the journal study affirms, those with imposter syndrome are not alone. Take, for example, these high-profile individuals who publicly fessed up to their fear:

Actor Tom Hanks said, “No matter what we’ve done, there comes a point where you think, “How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?”

Singer Lady Gaga admits that, at times, she feels like a loser kid in high school. When this happens, she says she has “to pick myself up and tell myself that I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through the day.”

Even the wildly successful journalist and author Maria Shriver wrote, “I worried that my needs were too big, that my light was too bright, and yet not as bright as others in my family…I believed you had to work to be loved and that if you stopped, you would be nothing. It was all a lie.”

By admitting their vulnerability, these celebrities underscore the commonality of the problem and may even offer some comfort by helping us realize that high achievers also struggle with self-doubt. Imposter syndrome appears to be everywhere.

We are learning that there is even gender equity. Whereas once it was thought to be more prevalent in women, it is now believed to be an equal opportunity insecurity, with men reporting more severe anxiety.

How to Cure Imposter Syndrome

Private mental health practitioners recommend group therapy to address the fear of failure. However, little data is available to gauge its success.

So I share here how I banished imposter syndrome from my life at age 23, never again experience it while holding leadership roles in some of the most prestigious institutions in the world. Even when I had the opportunity to meet with world leaders, celebrities, and those notably more accomplished than I could hope to be, its specter never reared its head.

I attribute it to a life-changing epiphany I had shortly after my insecurities prompted me to palm off that accomplished fellow on a friend. The revelation was this: Change your thoughts.

I recognized that I needed to get out of my own way because at age 23, I was standing on the threshold of a big, wonderful, interesting life—and the only thing holding me back from achieving all that I hoped for was me.

Here’s how I did it, and you can, too:

1. Take a self-inventory.

As a first step, I mapped my perceived shortcomings against reality. My budding social circle, educational success, and early work experiences belied my self-doubt.

Of course, I replayed the kind words of my thoughtful dinner date.

Then I invited my close friends to share their thoughts, both positive and negative. To hear their views of my shortcomings was as necessary as learning what they valued. It was vital to have this balanced assessment.

I needed to hear it all because, while I was beginning to embrace my strengths, I also needed to acknowledge that certain things would be clearly out of reach, such as being a statistician, given my lack of mathematical acumen. I also needed to learn from those I trusted if I had harbored behaviors that might later sabotage me.

I listened hard.

2. Recognize that the only currency that matters is how you use your time.

The Buddha said, “The trouble is, you think you have time.” I always understood the transient nature of time from the losses I experienced early in my life. I had great clarity that the only currency that matters is your time, and the most important decisions you will ever make are how you spend it.

Years later, I would have the privilege of knowing a great visionary who died much too young. My friend Rob Berkley always reminded us that “Life is precious. Don’t waste a drop.” I understood this from the tender age of 23 when I decided not to waste a second of my life stepping on my dreams.

3. Embrace a grateful life.

There is much evidence that gratitude practices can be transformative, but living a grateful life is something more. Here are the steps.

First, I decided not only would I be grateful for all that is good in my life, but I would also try to walk into the world each day sharing whatever gifts I had with others. I understood then and know that life avails you of the opportunity to do good, seek out wonder, and enjoy the preciousness of whatever time you have. I vowed never to lose sight of that.

Second, I chose not to look over my shoulder and compare myself to others. I recognized that everyone has unique skills and attributes—not more than mine, just different—and I would be grateful and celebrate our differences. I would actively learn from my friends and colleagues.

Third, when faced with setbacks, I would choose to be grateful and harvest them for life lessons. When they occurred, I would not turn the experiences into negative thoughts.

A grateful life is to be thankful for all success, welcome failures as learning experiences, and celebrate the gifts of others.

Conclusion

Many decades have passed since I refocused my reflection in the mirror and cured my imposter syndrome. But the work didn’t stop at 23. Decades have passed, and I continue to take inventory. I continue to recast failures as learning experiences. I honor the wisdom and contributions of others.

I am continually humbled by those who choose to have me in their lives. I also consciously surround myself with people I can trust to honestly provide feedback without judgment. Throughout the succeeding decades, I worked to banish self-doubt and thoughts that would hamper my success. I learned to reach with open arms for the bounty of life.

If you are reading this, there is an 82 percent chance you have experienced imposter syndrome in your life—my advice to you: Embrace life fully aware of your strengths and know that they are unique. Then walk into the world and make a gift of yourself.