6 Ways Family Therapy Can Help Adult Children and Parents

It may not occur to adults to go to family therapy with their parents. Family therapy conjures up images of parents trying to manage young children or get through to stubborn teenagers. But family therapy has many important applications for adult children and their parents. After all, the longest phase of parenthood is that of parenting adult children, and adult children are often craving a close, loving bond with their parents.

1. Work through past hurts.

Family therapy helps families work through hurts experienced by adult children during childhood. Adult children report that it can be challenging to discuss negative childhood experiences with their parents. Parents may insist they did their best, ask their children to show more gratitude, or shut down conversations. But, without resolving these issues, children may feel anger, hurt, and resentment. A family therapist helps facilitate fruitful conversations between parents and their adult children. Done well, these conversations allow adult children to feel heard and understood while equipping everybody with the skills to address issues that come up in the future.

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2. Break old cycles.

Some parents and adult children hit the same pain points and have the same arguments repeatedly. These families often feel like they have tried everything to solve their issues. Family therapists see those patterns, help families identify them as they are happening, and find new ways to respond. Not only do lingering issues get resolved, but everybody also walks away with new tools for addressing future arguments.

3. Reformulate outdated family roles.

Parents’ roles change throughout their children’s life. They shift from exercising full control of their child to helping their teenager build autonomy to eventually serving as an as-needed consultant. But some families struggle to make these transitions, leaving everybody acting out outdated, unhelpful roles. Some adult children struggle to launch. Some parents struggle to let go. Family therapy helps families shift and settle into appropriate roles based in family needs and cultural norms.

4. Manage new stressors.

Some families operate smoothly until something new happens. A new partner enters the adult child’s life. A baby is born. Somebody gets sick. A parent starts dating. When these changes occur, some families struggle to flexibly adapt. Family therapy helps parents and their adult children manage the pitfalls and new dynamics inherent in big-picture changes.

5. Build goodwill.

While therapy often begins with big issues, it leads to increased goodwill. As parents and adult children work through old hurts, enter into more appropriate roles, manage changes, and communicate effectively, they build stronger connections. Some of the most fun moments as a family therapist occur when parents and their children are sharing moments of joy together.

6. Navigate estrangement.

Sometimes one family member chooses estrangement, often after attempting to solve family issues for months or years. Most describe estrangement to me as feeling like the only reasonable option left. Family therapy can help adult children and their parents process the estrangement, form goals for the ideal outcome (be it reconciliation or sitting in the same room during Christmas dinner), and navigate the messy process.

Whether parents and children want to address minor issues or major traumas, family therapy offers a safe place to explore and work things through with a professional who knows how to handle it. When things feel hopeless, family therapy brings hope and healing.

To find a family therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.