How to Be a Savvy Single

Sometimes we find ourselves single after the end of a relationship. Sometimes dating just doesn’t bring about a relationship worth cultivating. Sometimes we choose singlehood because it fits the life we want right now (or always).

Not everyone feels the same about being single or experiences it in the same way. In my recent research with Dr. Jonathon Beckmeyer, we found that 43 percent of single people felt empowered by being single, while 38 percent felt disappointed about not having a partner. Across several studies, Dr. Beckmeyer and I have been working to understand the benefits singlehood can have for individuals, whether they would like to be in a relationship or not. How can you make singlehood work for you? Try these three strategies:

1. Evaluate your goals for your romantic life, social life, education, and career.

Not everyone plans to get married, have children, or maintain a monogamous (or any) romantic relationship. Understanding your goals for your own life can help guide how you use your energy and resources. In our study, 75 percent of people said being single helped them work toward their individual goals, such as completing their education or building their careers.

Nothing says you must be partnered, so consider carefully whether you want a partner or not. If you want a partner, do you want to cultivate a relationship now, or would you prefer to stay single and pursue individual goals at the moment?

Answering these questions can help clear the path forward for building the life you want.

2. If you decide you want a romantic relationship, take some time to assess what you really want in a partner.

The best time to evaluate what we want in a partner is when we are single. Research shows that when we’re in a relationship, we idealize our partners’ traits. This makes sense—if you want to stay in a relationship, it’s helpful to believe what they have is what you want. However, with some time alone, we may gain more clarity about what we really want and need in a partner.

In the Relationship Histories Study, some participants talked about taking a time-out from dating to decide what they needed for future relationships. Some made lists. Others ran through their past experiences and thought about what they would like to have again and what they wanted to avoid. No matter what your strategy, it is helpful to take inventory of your partner's priorities.

3. Connect with friends and family.

Research suggests that you do not need a romantic partner to live a healthy life, but you do need meaningful social connections. Long-term singles often build a strong social network of friends and family. Research shows single people are more likely than partnered people to support their social group and maintain relationships over life transitions.

If you’re currently single, consider strengthening your relationships with the other people in your life. Whether you plan to pursue a romantic partner later or not, it is wise to build your nonromantic relationships.