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Key points
- Data reveals that a disproportionate number of Millennials and Generation Z embrace an alternative worldview.
- When conversing with someone with an alternative view, instead of using the words “ought” or “should,” use the words “kind” or “empathetic.”
- Let a Millenial or Gen Z person be different and unique whenever possible to prevent them from blending in with everyone else.
I chuckled at the comic portraying a college student with tattoos, piercings, long hair, and torn jeans debating his father while on fall break. He said, “But Dad, I’ve got to be a non-conformist if I’m going to be like everyone else!”
Precisely. We must be nonconformists and conformists simultaneously.
There are certain temperaments, however, that see life differently and pursue anything that is alternative to society’s norms. I know several high school and college students who fit this description. They don’t like the “mold” that traditional society places on them. They are anything but conventional. I bet you know someone like this as well. The best way to define their worldview is that it is: contrarian. Data reveals a disproportionate number of the millennial generation, and Generation Z embraces an alternative worldview. If parents say, “The sky is blue,” they might say, “No, it isn’t. It’s aqua.” For some, “rebel” is their middle name.
- They tend to buck tradition.
- They perceive things unconventionally.
- They often go in the opposite direction of the norms of society.
Suggestions for Leading Alternatives
Choose your battles. Don’t argue about everything, only significant issues worth debating. When topics surface that you disagree on, ask yourself: Is the topic worth debating? Why do I want to win? What could I lose if I debate this issue? Always do a risk and reward assessment. Most issues are not worth a battle, and the relationship is more important than a rule. I recall entering an argument over a piece of clothing my daughter planned to wear to a party. At that moment, I realized I had made a bigger deal than necessary. Letting the issue go allowed for a great conversation later that informed me how decisions are made going forward.
Instead of using the words “ought” or “should,” use the words “kind” or “empathetic.” My wife is proper and dutiful. She will always serve others because it’s the right thing to do. Her vocabulary includes “we ought to do this” or “you should not do this.” When one of our young adult children chose not to attend a friend’s event, my wife used those words, and it wasn’t received well. We learned a better approach was to remind them, “this would be the kind thing to do.” Appealing to their heart, not their sense of duty, has a better chance of getting through.
In conversation, offer logical reasons for your perspective and allow them to sink in. Years ago, I spoke to a young woman who decided to move in with her boyfriend. When I asked why she wasn’t getting married first, she said, “I don’t know one good marriage!” I reminded her that both her parents and grandparents had incredible marriages. Her mom and dad had been married for 40 years, and her grandparents had been married for 65 years. She retorted, “Well, except for them.” When I shared the data on how couples who commit to marriage have a better chance of staying together, she rejected it. Then I realized we were having an emotional exchange, not a logical one. I needed to let the facts settle in and listen to her heart.
Let them be different and unique whenever possible. Since their unspoken goal is likely to move in the opposite direction of the crowd, allow them to do so whenever you can. Our world needs people who live on the “edge” to nudge the rest of the population to think for themselves. We can lead them better when we remember they want to be different to be themselves. This enables me to let a young team member play the cards in their hand instead of insisting they blend in and be like everyone else.
When I was in my late teens, I was a little like this myself. I tested the “social contract” on my college campus. I wanted to be different from others and to do things no one else was doing. I felt this was how society makes progress. As Jim Morrison said, "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel and in exchange put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a person revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first."
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” She was right. Change doesn’t happen when everyone remains in the middle. Someone must be on the edge. So, I was a bit of a rebel as a young adult. I broke some rules. Over time, however, I recognized that genuine improvement requires both “progressives” and “conservatives.”
The root of the word progressive is “progress.” I think it’s safe to say we all want to advance. We want each generation to build upon the former ones. At the same time, the root meaning of conservative is to conserve. Any thinking person would agree we must conserve some of the virtues and values of the past that are not antiquated but are timeless. Qualities like honesty, discipline, kindness, ethics, and service will never go out of style.
Or, as C.S. Lewis said, "We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back the soonest is the most progressive."
References
Pew Research Center, January 2019, “Generation Z Looks a Lot Like Millennials on Key Social and Political Issues”
