RISE: The Value of Believing in Someone

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Recently, I was asked to describe my role model as an icebreaker for a podcast interview. I talked about being inspired by the wisdom of legendary Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. At the same time, several unsung heroes from my personal life sprang to mind. They weren’t as famous as RBG, and some of them weren’t even role models. They were individuals who believed in me.

It took me 14 years as a clinical psychologist to create a career with a satisfying balance of clinical work, teaching, and writing. This journey has been aided by privilege and luck, but it hasn’t been a straightforward path. Reflecting on the twists and turns I took to get to this point made me realize that I didn’t do it alone.

The people who believed in me each served as a step along the way.

A historical example of the power of believing in someone was Louis Leakey hiring Jane Goodall to study chimpanzees, even though she didn’t have a college degree at the time. Leakey wanted someone with an unbiased perspective, and he saw that Goodall was intelligent, observant, and passionate about understanding wildlife. Ultimately, Leakey encouraged Goodall to pursue her Ph.D. in ethology.

My dissertation mentor is an example from my personal life. I met her by chance at a time when I severely doubted whether I was cut out for a doctoral program. I should mention that, years after completing graduate school, she also came to my wedding.

While my mentor’s professional guidance was invaluable, what made our relationship exceptional was the impact she had on my ability to believe in myself, a trait that social scientists refer to as self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is often used interchangeably with self-confidence, but some people have distinguished it as being more task-specific (i.e. one’s belief that they can accomplish a specific goal like earning a Ph.D.).

Psychologists also have a term for believing that others believe in you. This is known as relation-inferred self-efficacy (RISE). Research has shown that RISE can contribute to positive outcomes like greater effort, satisfaction, and helping others in the context of specific task-oriented goals.

Believing in someone transcends liking or helping them as part of your job. It means showing them that they are worthy of your time and attention, understanding their strengths and interests, and balancing encouragement with realistic feedback. Experiencing RISE has motivated me to pay it forward in my relationships with therapy clients and students.

Years after finishing graduate school, I found myself again feeling lost after I decided to resign from a hospital outpatient clinic I had worked at for years. I committed to a project aimed at improving neurodivergent patients’ care in medical settings. To ensure that the project would continue after I left, I reached out to a member of the hospital faculty whose work aligned with the project’s mission. Despite not knowing me before the phone conversation, she offered to meet with me again for a mentoring session. Later, she gave me the opportunity to lecture to her students, which bolstered my interest in teaching.

The common thread in my relationships with people who believed in me was that I was willing to be vulnerable (in this case, by sharing that I was leaving my position), and to express my passion for a cause. Perhaps these qualities motivated them to believe in me.

The people who believed in me encouraged my growth without using me to advance their own agenda. At the same time, I also believed in them, and this encouraged me to trust them, be generous with my time, and join them in a common cause.

These relationships can’t be forced. In fact, the best ones might come about unexpectedly. However, keeping the following habits in mind might make finding these transformative opportunities more likely:

1. Take healthy risks – Be open to new relationships even if you don’t know whether the other person will give you their time and attention. Being willing to take the risk of being turned away or ignored is important for paving the way to serendipitous relationships.
2. Express both vulnerability and dedication – Show vulnerability in measured ways, such as being honest about not having everything figured out, as this enhances connection and trust. At the same time, express your commitment to a cause shared by the other person, whether it is global (e.g. environmentalism) or personal (e.g. figuring out which career will offer a work life balance).
3. Stay open and curious – People who believed in me actively listened to my wants and needs, and these relationships also required me to be open to their feedback. Being open doesn’t mean caving in to what others think you need, but it does entail taking time to reflect on what you can learn even if their feedback doesn’t align perfectly with your interests at the time. This can broaden your horizons to learning new skills that might be beneficial in the future.

Believing in others is a powerful reminder that while success and fulfillment depend on individual strengths, one’s purpose can’t blossom without a web of authentic support.