Sleeping Together Doubles Risk of Sex Problems

“She slept with him.” “They’re sleeping together.” Such statements are not about sleep, but sex. To say people are sleeping together means they’re lovers. Unfortunately, the common conflation of sleeping together and sex may have serious downsides: nonrestful sleep, resentful spouses, and aggravation of sleep disorders, some of which may be potentially serious.

Sharing a Bed: Not Always Bliss

When couples live together, our culture generally assumes they share beds. Sleeping with a lover can feel wonderful. It’s great for warmth and pillow talk, and it’s comforting to reach out and touch someone you love.

However, sleeping in the same bed or even in the same room may disrupt sleep. If partners snore, toss and turn, and/or seize blankets, sleep suffers, which may cause chronic resentments, daytime spaciness, and inattentiveness to daily responsibilities—for example, driving. Getting out of bed in the middle of the night to drink water or urinate may disrupt the other’s sleep. Many menopausal women suffer hot flashes in bed and have problems with partners who radiate body heat. If sleep-related issues become chronic, resentments may hurt relationships and couples' sex lives. This is especially true for light sleepers, older couples, and those with sleep disorders. Health, relationships, and sex often improve when couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms.

Sleep Problems Double Risk of Sex Problems

Chinese researchers analyzed 43 studies linking sleep problems and sexual dysfunctions. Across all studies, sleep disorders doubled risk. The three top sleep problems were: insomnia, drugs, and obstructive sleep apnea.

1. Insomnia: This is America’s leading sleep problem. An estimated 30 percent of Americans have trouble falling or staying asleep. Insomnia reduces libido, impairs sexual energy and function, and raises the risk of anxiety and depression, both sex-killers. In addition, the medications used to treat sleep problems may independently impair lovemaking.

University of Michigan researchers conducted a two-week survey of sleep duration and sexual function among 171 healthy, nondepressed women. For 14 consecutive mornings, they completed a sleep-and-sex questionnaire. As sleep time increased, so did the women’s libidos and genital sensitivity. Every one-hour increase in sleep correlated with a modest but statistically significant increase in the likelihood of partner lovemaking the following day.

2. Drugs: As if insomnia isn’t bad enough, many of the drugs used to treat it also disrupt sleep and hurt sex. Sleeping pills may cause next-day hangovers and loss of libido, sexual responsiveness, and function. As the frequency of using sleep medications increases, so does the risk of sexual impairment.

Alcohol is another major sleep disrupter. If you’ve ever gone to sleep drunk, you may have experienced wake-ups in the wee hours with difficulty falling back to sleep, and in the morning, not just a hangover but also impaired libido, sexual function, and orgasm.

3. Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA): This prevalent sleep problem is a strong risk factor for erectile dysfunction (ED). The cause of OSA is excess tissue in the throat, often linked to carrying extra pounds. The hallmark symptom is loud snoring punctuated by choking silences. During those silences, excess throat tissue blocks the airway, momentarily interrupting breathing. This sets off biological alarms that rouse the sleeper, which restores normal breathing. But people with apnea may have their sleep interrupted a dozen times a night. Serial rousings destroy sleep and substantially boost the risk of ED, heart attack, and stroke. Chinese researchers analyzed nine studies involving 1,275 participants. Apnea doubled the risk of sex problems in all genders—ED in men and several sex problems in women: libido loss, decreased self-lubrication, and extended time to orgasm or inability to climax.

OSA is more common in men, but many women develop it. If your bedmate says you snore with periodic silences, ask your doctor for a sleep study. This involves a night at a sleep lab wired up to monitors that can definitively diagnose OSA. If you sleep alone and regularly doze or feel drowsy during the day, a sleep study might also be indicated.

Sleep apnea can be eliminated with a device that gently pushes air down the throat, a continuous positive-airway pressure (C-PAP) machine. The air pressure prevents the collapse of throat tissue. The airway says open, and sleep disruption ends. Swedish researchers prescribed C-PAPs for 401 men with apnea and ED. Their sexual function—and quality of life—improved significantly. A Chinese study of 207 men with apnea and ED showed similar results.

Unfortunately, C-PAPs are a hassle. Users must sleep with a mask covering the nose and mouth. Some people can’t stand this. If you can, you’re likely to feel less drowsy and more productive with more energy for lovemaking.

If you have trouble sleeping, ask your physician for a referral to a sleep specialist.

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Maybe it’s time to stop using “sleeping together,” as a synonym for having sex. The two are quite distinct, and the former just might ruin the latter.