How Future Faking Can Be Used to Manipulate You

With future faking, someone who presents you with a shared future together may never ever come true.

Source: Photo by Thái Huỳnh/Pexels

Is the future so bright that you have to wear shades, because something shady may be happening? When people paint a picture of a shared future with you that seems too good to be true, it's time to worry about future faking.

Future faking is a tactic whereby people lure you into thinking they are planning a wonderful future with you. Their visions of the future may make you feel optimistic about and bonded with them, But in the end, there may only be a whole lot of faking going on, as they may not be dedicated to or even believe in this future themselves. Their main or perhaps only objective is to use the promise of a future to get you to do something for them in the present.

Future faking can occur in a variety of relationship settings. For example, when making a little romance, the future faker can do a little dance and describe how the two of you are going to go on vacations together, buy a home together, or even get married, again together, because that's how marriages work. The promise of a future can keep you in the relationship, get you to take even greater care of them and overlook their bad behavior.

If you are not yet romantic partners, they may talk about a "growing" connection that may make you more than friends someday. They may even hint at future sexy time between the two of you. In turn, you may be more willing to be strung along, doing for them what you would normally do only for a significant other, when you are kind of an insignificant other to them.

Even if it's a purely platonic friendship, they may paint a picture of you being besties forever. They can declare that you're going to get homes next to each other, have your kids be besties with each other, and basically take on the world together. As a result, you are the friend who is always there, even when they may not be there for you.

Future faking can work in work settings, too. Your supervisors can go on about future raises, promotions, and opportunities rather than give you any of those things now. You keep slogging away, motivated by rewards that may never materialize.

Potential business partners can future fake you, too. They can weave stories about a horizon filled with massive deals, going public, sitting on yachts, and, straight from Silicon Valley-speak, changing the world together. You just have to do these small things for them now to ensure a big future, like lend them money, turn over your ideas, or expend time and effort for free.

Beware of futures that people may be selling you but are not going to deliver on in the long run.

Source: Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels

Future faking can be a form of love bombing on steroids. In love bombing, people shower you with affection to gain your trust and loyalty, softening you up so that you are more readily influenced by them. Telling you that you are part of their future can seem like the ultimate show of affection and compliment. After all, they wouldn't hook up with just anybody, would they?

The answer could be a resounding, "Yes, they would." When someone does some faking with you, chances are they aren't virgins at it. After all, little things like a conscience, honesty, and maintaining trust in a relationship would typically keep people from being deceptive about the future. But people willing to fake it are not worried about the effects of broken promises and unfulfilled commitments on others—confusion, feeling taken advantage of, and relectance to trust anyone.

Future faking is different from presenting a future that someone actually believes in but is perhaps too ambitious and unrealistic. While the latter my be the result of not thinking things through carefully, future fakers have thought things through without caring much about you.

Of course, future fakers may believe in some parts of the future that they are presenting, but they are willing to bend other parts to get you on board. For example, they may be very interested in buying a house or having sex, just not with you.

So, before you hook your train up to anyone trying to sell you on a future together, check for the following eight things:

1. How realistic are their future visions? Can you see the visions being achieved without help from the Ant-Man and the Quantum Realm? What concrete evidence is there that they can deliver on their promises?
2. How do they react when you question their future vision? Do they come back with some Silicon Valley mumbo jumbo like "You've got to aim high" or "If you believe it, it will happen?" Or do they counter by claiming that you are being too pessimistic or a party-pooper when they are the ones full of poop?
3. What specifically are they doing to make this future a reality? Are they themselves truly investing in the future or are they just resting, waiting for you to do everything?
4. How many of their promises have they fulfilled to date? Have your interactions felt fulfilling or full of you-know-what?
5. Do they apologize, take responsibility, feel remorse, and make amends when they fail to fulfill commitments? Or do they blame others, such as you?
6. Do you feel rushed or pressured? Do you feel like they are giving you the hard sell? If so, it's time to take a hard look of what they are trying to do.
7. What are their motivations? Do they actually care about you or is it all about them?
8. What does your intuition say? Listen to your body. Do you really feel confident that all of this is going to become true?

Love Bombing Essential Reads

The 3 Essential Stages of Love Bombing

Is “The Idea of You” a Movie About Love Bombing?

Above all, don't be afraid to question politely any future visions that people offer you. While you may be worried about hurting them or dampening their enthusiasm, any shared future together would involve you, too. How they respond can be very telling. If they show that all they are really thinking about is themselves, chances are you never really had a future with them anyway.